Dear ________,

Dear Customer,
                          I will be glad to call the Arizona Tea company for you and tell them that they should make a sugar-free version of their smoothie mix. I will let the GM know that you can see the ice machine from where you sit at the cafe and it is "unsightly". I will also be glad to inform the lady who was sitting next to you thirty minutes ago that her juice and ice combination was "grossing you out" because you don't like juice with ice. I will inform the lady at the parts counter (less than five feet away) that you can hear her phone conversation and you "don't care to hear employee conversations with other customers". I will let Food Network know that you are severely dissatisfied with Rachael Ray's old show. (Not the new one). And I will make sure that the girls in appointments know to tell you if your appointment is scheduled at the same time as "the juice lady". Lastly, I need to inform you that you need to shove your ugly teacup size dog up your tight wad butt.

                   Thank You- The Underpaid Receptionist
                                      c/o The Overprivileged Office