It's almost quittin time and I am stoked.......
of course I still feel bad for those of you manning the cafe tomorrow.
Remember, try to go to the bathroom on your lunch break and refrain from mixing coffee in the blender....lest N2 thinks it's a smoothie......
Will miss you guys (but not the job necessarily) terribly. *sniff sniff*
One other word of advice.......it's the little (customer induced) mini rage-fits in the bathroom that keep you sane. If you need to throw something-I suggest the peppermints. (Easier to conceal and clean up.....and deny if you are caught throwing...lol)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Thank you, Jesus....
ME: Thank you for calling OCD. This is Vic. How may I direct your call?
GUY: Service please.
ME: Did you need an appointment or just to speak with an advisor?
GUY: Yes.
*long silence*
ME: Well, alright then. *pushes what I hope is right button to appointments*
This is why I am mentally throwin' up the bird as I walk away today.
No more phone idiocy.
Amen.
GUY: Service please.
ME: Did you need an appointment or just to speak with an advisor?
GUY: Yes.
*long silence*
ME: Well, alright then. *pushes what I hope is right button to appointments*
This is why I am mentally throwin' up the bird as I walk away today.
No more phone idiocy.
Amen.
Random thoughts:
These 5 Hour Energy ads make it look like making a pot of coffee and drinking a cup to be the hardest tasks in the world. I hate to think what they would do to something a tad more complicated, like driving a car or brain surgery.
* Random thought that I had while staring at the Olive Garden bag from my lunch. Where are the olives? Why are there grapes on their logo and not olives? And also, the only time I saw olive trees in a "garden" were in the Garden of Gethsamene, which leads me to believe that the fine folks at the Olive Garden believe their food to be Christ like.
If anyone in my office ever decides to go postal, I am putting big money on it being a printer related rampage.
There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. ~Jerry Seinfeld
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. ~Rita Mae Brown
On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the f### did you get that banana at?' -Mitch Hedberg
It amazes me that people will violently demand to be treated like adults, but act like children. -VIC
The secret of life is not caring about the secret.-VIC
* Random thought that I had while staring at the Olive Garden bag from my lunch. Where are the olives? Why are there grapes on their logo and not olives? And also, the only time I saw olive trees in a "garden" were in the Garden of Gethsamene, which leads me to believe that the fine folks at the Olive Garden believe their food to be Christ like.
If anyone in my office ever decides to go postal, I am putting big money on it being a printer related rampage.
There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. ~Jerry Seinfeld
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. ~Rita Mae Brown
On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the f### did you get that banana at?' -Mitch Hedberg
It amazes me that people will violently demand to be treated like adults, but act like children. -VIC
The secret of life is not caring about the secret.-VIC
Paper jams....epic funny
Step One - Get up from desk after watching coworkers mutter over printer and attempt to understand the cryptic paper jam removal instructions.
Step Two - Sigh heavily, attempting to conceal the smirk that is itching to spread on your face.
Step Three - Ignore paper jam removal instructions.
Step Four - Open tray 1, close tray 1.
Step Five - Open tray 2, close tray two.
Step Six - Turn machine 180 degrees, look in back, turn machine back.
Step Seven - Press the green button.
Step Eight - Bask in the glory of having fixed the printer jam, even though no paper was actually jammed.
Step Nine - Repeat steps one through eight at least once a day.
Seriously, I sometimes think the printer guys have installed some sort of candid camera and trigger paper jam errors by remote just to mess with us.
Step Two - Sigh heavily, attempting to conceal the smirk that is itching to spread on your face.
Step Three - Ignore paper jam removal instructions.
Step Four - Open tray 1, close tray 1.
Step Five - Open tray 2, close tray two.
Step Six - Turn machine 180 degrees, look in back, turn machine back.
Step Seven - Press the green button.
Step Eight - Bask in the glory of having fixed the printer jam, even though no paper was actually jammed.
Step Nine - Repeat steps one through eight at least once a day.
Seriously, I sometimes think the printer guys have installed some sort of candid camera and trigger paper jam errors by remote just to mess with us.
Famous Office Scribe Philosophy
"Apathy is what people develop when they only have one more day of work left." - The Office Scribe
Example A:
Coworker - I need to work later on Thursday because I have someplace to go Wednesday night.
Me - I don't care.
Example 2:
Coworker - Did you see that (((fill in the blank))) is doing a presentation on Friday?
Me - I don't care.
Example III:
Coworker - Rumor has it a giant asteroid is going to plow into the western suburbs towards the end of the week and destroy all our cubicles.
Me - I don't care. (Meanwhile I start boxing my knick knacks just in case...)
I feel like Bradley Cooper in "The Hangover" where he is leaving school and the kid goes to ask him a question and he replies "You don't exist to me".
Example A:
Coworker - I need to work later on Thursday because I have someplace to go Wednesday night.
Me - I don't care.
Example 2:
Coworker - Did you see that (((fill in the blank))) is doing a presentation on Friday?
Me - I don't care.
Example III:
Coworker - Rumor has it a giant asteroid is going to plow into the western suburbs towards the end of the week and destroy all our cubicles.
Me - I don't care. (Meanwhile I start boxing my knick knacks just in case...)
I feel like Bradley Cooper in "The Hangover" where he is leaving school and the kid goes to ask him a question and he replies "You don't exist to me".
I quit!!!!!!!!!
No, seriously. Today is my last day at the Overprivileged Car Dealership. (YAYYY!!!!!)
*ahem*
I mean, ummm......
I'll miss all the customers and stuff so...yeah.
Oh, who am I kidding?
YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No! More! Cafe!
*ahem*
Sincerely, Vic.
(will seriously miss you guys)
and I promise to blog about new job soon.......
*yay!...beer me*
*ahem*
I mean, ummm......
I'll miss all the customers and stuff so...yeah.
Oh, who am I kidding?
YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No! More! Cafe!
*ahem*
Sincerely, Vic.
(will seriously miss you guys)
and I promise to blog about new job soon.......
*yay!...beer me*
Friday, July 1, 2011
Ninja Diaries
So it seems that there is a new person making sure someone "man's the cafe' at ALL times."
Yep, that'd be our boss lady....let's call her Ninja number 2.
Everytime someone isn't in the cafe, she tells Penguin.
Well ok, that's cool and all....but what if I was in the restroom?
Or running an errand for Phone week person....or helping loaner person??????
Will it kill the overprivilegeds to make their own darn coffee for once?
I guess Thar's a new sheriff in town......................
And by the way, we don't make smoothies for ourselves.
What you see is coffee blended with ice.
We have to 'decaf' ourselves quite frequently to put up with all the b.s. that we have to put up with........whether you realize what we put up with or not.
Sincerely,
-The Underpaid Cafe' Peon
-The Overprivileged Office
Yep, that'd be our boss lady....let's call her Ninja number 2.
Everytime someone isn't in the cafe, she tells Penguin.
Well ok, that's cool and all....but what if I was in the restroom?
Or running an errand for Phone week person....or helping loaner person??????
Will it kill the overprivilegeds to make their own darn coffee for once?
I guess Thar's a new sheriff in town......................
And by the way, we don't make smoothies for ourselves.
What you see is coffee blended with ice.
We have to 'decaf' ourselves quite frequently to put up with all the b.s. that we have to put up with........whether you realize what we put up with or not.
Sincerely,
-The Underpaid Cafe' Peon
-The Overprivileged Office
I Love Dumb People.......
In cafe overprivileged today....
2nd customer of the day......
ME: Can I get you a drink ma'am?
COMPLETELYCLUELESS: Uh, yes I need some caffiene to get me going do I'll have a decaffinated coffee.
ME: You mean regular?
CC: No. I meant decaf. That's French.....it means "has caffiene".
*I stare blankly. I'm not gonna argue with this lady so I fix the decaf.*
CC: And plus, when I drink a regular coffee it makes me a bit jittery. I don't know if it's because it's a different bean than the one used to make decaf or what.......
ME:*not being able to resist* Yes ma'am, "that bean" is different. It has caffiene in it.
*So you mean to tell me that they believe you are smart enough to be a RN at *soandso* hospital down the street, but you think you can speak French (when you can't) and you have no idea that decaf means no caffiene???????????
Seriously?*
2nd customer of the day......
ME: Can I get you a drink ma'am?
COMPLETELYCLUELESS: Uh, yes I need some caffiene to get me going do I'll have a decaffinated coffee.
ME: You mean regular?
CC: No. I meant decaf. That's French.....it means "has caffiene".
*I stare blankly. I'm not gonna argue with this lady so I fix the decaf.*
CC: And plus, when I drink a regular coffee it makes me a bit jittery. I don't know if it's because it's a different bean than the one used to make decaf or what.......
ME:*not being able to resist* Yes ma'am, "that bean" is different. It has caffiene in it.
*So you mean to tell me that they believe you are smart enough to be a RN at *soandso* hospital down the street, but you think you can speak French (when you can't) and you have no idea that decaf means no caffiene???????????
Seriously?*
Ninja Diaries
So the Ninja was uber nice today and bought every employee a fifteen minute massage...done right here in ye old office. We are loving the Ninja this week. It only brings one question to mind..............
Is the Ninja being extra sneaky by buying these massages and then being Ninja-like trying to catch us being way too relaxed after said massage??????
Devious, Ninja. Veerryyyyy devious.......
Or perhaps I should just stop being a conspiracy theorist?........
Is the Ninja being extra sneaky by buying these massages and then being Ninja-like trying to catch us being way too relaxed after said massage??????
Devious, Ninja. Veerryyyyy devious.......
Or perhaps I should just stop being a conspiracy theorist?........
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Ode to the Rotaters
Today I realized just how much I am going to miss you guys. I wont have anyone to run and tell stories to about the Crazies, stupids, overprivilegeds, beeotches, insanes, never satisfieds, and the people who are so picky that it would be easier to shoot them and bury them then to explain why "we can't do that".
I will miss you guys terribly.
No one else will understand the complexities your emotions go through everytime you have to make a smoothie and smile about it. Or the way you walk and mumble to yourself after dealing with that stupid guy who likes to pick the color of his loaner car. Everyone else may think you're crazy for talking to yourself but we know that the mini rants keep you sane.
No one else will understand the feeling of hearing the phone ring as you have half of your makeup applied to one eyelid...then having some guy walk through the door...staring.....and there's no point in explaining why you look like you have eyeshadow alzheimers.
No one else will understand the feeling of just having stocked the snack bowl, to have some 12 year old run up, unsupervised and grab 11 packs of chips. *lil *&#% head*
No one else will know what it's like to do exactly what we have done....with a smile on our face.
They say our job is easy, but the truth is...we are all just one millisecond from suffocating the next motherflipper who asks for a smoothie.
Love you guys!!!!!!
I will miss you guys terribly.
No one else will understand the complexities your emotions go through everytime you have to make a smoothie and smile about it. Or the way you walk and mumble to yourself after dealing with that stupid guy who likes to pick the color of his loaner car. Everyone else may think you're crazy for talking to yourself but we know that the mini rants keep you sane.
No one else will understand the feeling of hearing the phone ring as you have half of your makeup applied to one eyelid...then having some guy walk through the door...staring.....and there's no point in explaining why you look like you have eyeshadow alzheimers.
No one else will understand the feeling of just having stocked the snack bowl, to have some 12 year old run up, unsupervised and grab 11 packs of chips. *lil *&#% head*
No one else will know what it's like to do exactly what we have done....with a smile on our face.
They say our job is easy, but the truth is...we are all just one millisecond from suffocating the next motherflipper who asks for a smoothie.
Love you guys!!!!!!
Today at the Cafe Overprivileged
ME: Can I get you a drink ma'am?
L: No. But I will take a coffee.
*huh?*
....ten minutes later
L: Do you have any crackers?
ME: Yes ma'am. What kind would you like?
L: Oh, I don't care. Just any old kind.
*I hand her cheese crackers*
L: I thought I said I wanted peanut butter crackers.
*I start looking around for a group of laughing employees because surely this is a joke.....no employees*
ME: Ma'am is there anything else I can get you? *cause I'm about to "go to the restroom" to avoid your mean, crazy butt.*
L: Oh, no thank you.
ME: *actually said aloud.* Sweet. I'll be back in a few minutes. *after you leave.*
L: No. But I will take a coffee.
*huh?*
....ten minutes later
L: Do you have any crackers?
ME: Yes ma'am. What kind would you like?
L: Oh, I don't care. Just any old kind.
*I hand her cheese crackers*
L: I thought I said I wanted peanut butter crackers.
*I start looking around for a group of laughing employees because surely this is a joke.....no employees*
ME: Ma'am is there anything else I can get you? *cause I'm about to "go to the restroom" to avoid your mean, crazy butt.*
L: Oh, no thank you.
ME: *actually said aloud.* Sweet. I'll be back in a few minutes. *after you leave.*
Lung-gitis is another word for apathy
ME: Thank you for calling OCD. This is Vic. How may I.......
CLEARLYANIDIOT: Uh, yes ma'am. I need to make an appointment.
ME: Yes ma'am. I'll transfer you to appointments.
CAI: Uh, no I want to be transferred to *service advisor*'s appointment maker.
ME: They all have the same appointment makers.
CAI: *cutting me off* Uh, no. I know what I am talking about. I spoke with the girl who specifically makes appointments for *service advisor* and no one else. Now transfer me to her.
ME: Do you remember her name? Was it *appointment setters 1or2*?
CAI: My daughter knows. I had an appointment this Friday but I need to reschedule it cause my daughter, well she has the lung-gitis. So I just wanna re-schedule my appointment. With *service advisor*'s girl.
ME: *couldn't resist* The Lung-gitis, huh? Wow that sounds awful. I'll transfer you now. *transfers call to normal appointment setters. Am sure CAI knew no difference.*
CLEARLYANIDIOT: Uh, yes ma'am. I need to make an appointment.
ME: Yes ma'am. I'll transfer you to appointments.
CAI: Uh, no I want to be transferred to *service advisor*'s appointment maker.
ME: They all have the same appointment makers.
CAI: *cutting me off* Uh, no. I know what I am talking about. I spoke with the girl who specifically makes appointments for *service advisor* and no one else. Now transfer me to her.
ME: Do you remember her name? Was it *appointment setters 1or2*?
CAI: My daughter knows. I had an appointment this Friday but I need to reschedule it cause my daughter, well she has the lung-gitis. So I just wanna re-schedule my appointment. With *service advisor*'s girl.
ME: *couldn't resist* The Lung-gitis, huh? Wow that sounds awful. I'll transfer you now. *transfers call to normal appointment setters. Am sure CAI knew no difference.*
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
And to complete my last week in cafe....
A lady told me it was my fault her butt was big.
And she was seriously mad at ME.
Why?
Because I put out all her favorite foods.
Yep.
Seriously angry at me.
She got up and left.............
And she was seriously mad at ME.
Why?
Because I put out all her favorite foods.
Yep.
Seriously angry at me.
She got up and left.............
it's offical.............squee!!!!!
So July 6th will be last day as the Receptionist/ Loaner Car Gopher/ Cafe Peon......
And although I will truly miss all of you guys
I am so super excited about my new job
SQUEE!!!!!!!!
I promise I'll still find new things to blog about at new job.
Just wanted to say "Thanks guys" to all my readers......
*sob* I promised myself I wouldn't cry...........
And although I will truly miss all of you guys
I am so super excited about my new job
SQUEE!!!!!!!!
I promise I'll still find new things to blog about at new job.
Just wanted to say "Thanks guys" to all my readers......
*sob* I promised myself I wouldn't cry...........
Friday, June 24, 2011
ON ANOTHER NOTE
If you can't beat 'em...join em.
I have installed in my office
a sign that reads
COMPLAIN HERE.
Maybe it will inspire the opposite.
I have installed in my office
a sign that reads
COMPLAIN HERE.
Maybe it will inspire the opposite.
Penguin drank some Ninja juice
So I think Penguin has decided to show up behind copy machines and such...scaring the crap outta me.
Just out of nowhere ....like he's taking Ninja lessons.
And now I'm on super alert mode again.
I'm just trying to imagine how this has happened.
How does one make a penguin super stealthy???????
![]()
Just out of nowhere ....like he's taking Ninja lessons.
And now I'm on super alert mode again.
I'm just trying to imagine how this has happened.
How does one make a penguin super stealthy???????
Ninja Diaries
Ninja strikes again: With super-Ninja
So I am in loaners minding my own when I hear
"Hiya kiddo!"
After I spew soda from my mouth while jumping from my chair at phenomonal speed he points to the guy next to him.
NINJA: This is Mr. Guy. He is our Used Car Manager yada yada. He needs a loaner.
ME: Um, ok. Sure.
So I get loaner ready and get Mr. Guy in it.
....two minutes later......
same soda.......
NINJA: Hey kiddo, *i jump to the ceiling and stick there* did we get Mr. Guy in a car?
ME: Yes, sir.
NINJA: Ok, thanks. *walks away*
Then I had a revelation:
Ninja has his own personal Ninja that is scaring the crap outta him. And that's why he's so dang jumpy like a happy, non-creepy, crack head. He's always waiting on his Ninja to appear...................
So I am in loaners minding my own when I hear
"Hiya kiddo!"
After I spew soda from my mouth while jumping from my chair at phenomonal speed he points to the guy next to him.
NINJA: This is Mr. Guy. He is our Used Car Manager yada yada. He needs a loaner.
ME: Um, ok. Sure.
So I get loaner ready and get Mr. Guy in it.
....two minutes later......
same soda.......
NINJA: Hey kiddo, *i jump to the ceiling and stick there* did we get Mr. Guy in a car?
ME: Yes, sir.
NINJA: Ok, thanks. *walks away*
Then I had a revelation:
Ninja has his own personal Ninja that is scaring the crap outta him. And that's why he's so dang jumpy like a happy, non-creepy, crack head. He's always waiting on his Ninja to appear...................
New Work Rules:
New Rest Room Procedure
To: All Employees
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest rooms under informal guidelines. Effective the beginning of next month, a Rest Room Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room times and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under this policy, a "RESTROOM TRIP BANK (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a REST ROOM TRIP CREDIT (RTC) of twenty. Rest room credits can be accumulated from month to month.
Starting next month, the entrance of all rest rooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer-linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of this month, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal, one under stress) to the System Operator. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive, for the first month; employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.
If an employee's REST ROOM TRIP BANK balance reaches zero, the doors of the rest room will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located outside the cafeteria. This is being done to eliminate "dilly-dallying" in the rest rooms. Any one whose picture shows up three times will immediately be terminated.
One final caution: this system will always work if you go the rest room where you have been assigned. We cannot guarantee that your voice print will work in other rest rooms in the building, and we suggest you not test it---particularly if the urge is pressing.
If you have any questions about the new policy, please ask your supervisor.
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest rooms under informal guidelines. Effective the beginning of next month, a Rest Room Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room times and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under this policy, a "RESTROOM TRIP BANK (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a REST ROOM TRIP CREDIT (RTC) of twenty. Rest room credits can be accumulated from month to month.
Starting next month, the entrance of all rest rooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer-linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of this month, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal, one under stress) to the System Operator. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive, for the first month; employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.
If an employee's REST ROOM TRIP BANK balance reaches zero, the doors of the rest room will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located outside the cafeteria. This is being done to eliminate "dilly-dallying" in the rest rooms. Any one whose picture shows up three times will immediately be terminated.
One final caution: this system will always work if you go the rest room where you have been assigned. We cannot guarantee that your voice print will work in other rest rooms in the building, and we suggest you not test it---particularly if the urge is pressing.
If you have any questions about the new policy, please ask your supervisor.
Scheduled Outage
From time to time we schedule outages to work on system computers, programs, and our voice systems. Contrary to some views it is not personal.
These are scheduled to bring our systems up to date, introduce new hardware and software, and perform routine maintenance......and of course to prevent future unscheduled outages.
Although it is not always apparent the phenomenon of system fatigue is real. We have scheduled one for 4 o'clock this afternoon.
It has been cancelled.
Instead employees are encouraged to be creative---to think of what you would do without the systems. To facilitate thinking outside the cubicle you are encouraged to meet in the company parking lot for beer and barbecue.
yummmm....beer
Dear_______,
Dear Advisor,
One more time I must ask you to refrain from complaining in my office. I know there is a certain aura about it that seems to attract all pissed off people. However, there is not a sign that says "COMPLAIN HERE". I do not come to your office, all pissed off and such, when you have a customer and start talking about other people that work here. Grow up and tell it to the person that you are pissed at. Thank you and have a nice day.
One more time I must ask you to refrain from complaining in my office. I know there is a certain aura about it that seems to attract all pissed off people. However, there is not a sign that says "COMPLAIN HERE". I do not come to your office, all pissed off and such, when you have a customer and start talking about other people that work here. Grow up and tell it to the person that you are pissed at. Thank you and have a nice day.
Customer Comment Award:
Overheard at Cafe:
MAN: Is there any way we can change the channel?
MAN2: I was watching that.
MAN: Yeah, I know. But I don't care about what you wanna watch. I only care about me....................*long silence*...........oh wow, that sounded horrible didn't it. No wonder my wife left me.
*Just...wow*
MAN: Is there any way we can change the channel?
MAN2: I was watching that.
MAN: Yeah, I know. But I don't care about what you wanna watch. I only care about me....................*long silence*...........oh wow, that sounded horrible didn't it. No wonder my wife left me.
*Just...wow*
Child Care........oy vey
While in loaners:
LADY: Here. (hands me her child.) Hold him for me while I go to the restroom.
ME: (mouth wide open). I'm sorry ma'am. I have several people to put in loaner cars. Perhaps your child can go with you.
*Ok so normally I would have said 'yeah whatever' and just did it. But my holy J.F.Christmas lady. I am not your babysitter. I know that you are so overprivileged that you think you can do whatever you like and treat people however you want but *ahem* "I AINT yer" personal assistant. Take your kid with you or hire a sitter. Lazy. I have three kids that I take care of so don't act like I'm repulsed by kids. I love them....as long as their mine. (ok parents, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.) *
Note to Penguin: Add babysitter to the list of job qualifications. Right there beside psychic.
LADY: Here. (hands me her child.) Hold him for me while I go to the restroom.
ME: (mouth wide open). I'm sorry ma'am. I have several people to put in loaner cars. Perhaps your child can go with you.
*Ok so normally I would have said 'yeah whatever' and just did it. But my holy J.F.Christmas lady. I am not your babysitter. I know that you are so overprivileged that you think you can do whatever you like and treat people however you want but *ahem* "I AINT yer" personal assistant. Take your kid with you or hire a sitter. Lazy. I have three kids that I take care of so don't act like I'm repulsed by kids. I love them....as long as their mine. (ok parents, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.) *
Note to Penguin: Add babysitter to the list of job qualifications. Right there beside psychic.
How I do love a good intrigue........
In loaners today:
LADY: Can you guess what my favorite color is?!
ME: (backing up a few feet) Um,.........? no.
LADY: !It's pink! The same color as your toenails! Isn't that a coincidence?!
*Note to self: Don't do drugs......*
ME:(super wide-eyed look) Yeah, that's really strange......very strange
*Were you around for the 60's? Oh I bet you so totally were, huh?*
![]()
*YEAH, UH...THE POT WAGON LEFT YOU
BEHIND, HUH?*
LADY: Can you guess what my favorite color is?!
ME: (backing up a few feet) Um,.........? no.
LADY: !It's pink! The same color as your toenails! Isn't that a coincidence?!
*Note to self: Don't do drugs......*
ME:(super wide-eyed look) Yeah, that's really strange......very strange
*Were you around for the 60's? Oh I bet you so totally were, huh?*
BEHIND, HUH?*
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Random thoughts from other people that apply to my life:
The nomination process for Employee of the Year came out today but since I didn't see the words "snarky", "sarcastic" or "cynical" on the list of employee attributes something tells me I won't be pulling down the votes.-The Office Scribe
Blank stares are not an acceptable answer to any question. If you can't take the energy to at least furrow a brow or blink then I will never come to you for an answer again.-The Office Scribe
"Apathy is what people develop when they only have one more day of work left." -The Office Scribe
Blank stares are not an acceptable answer to any question. If you can't take the energy to at least furrow a brow or blink then I will never come to you for an answer again.-The Office Scribe
"Apathy is what people develop when they only have one more day of work left." -The Office Scribe
Dear_______,
Dear Service Advisors:
There is NOT a sign in my office that says
COMPLAIN HERE
So stop using me as your verbal punching bag. I don't care who you're mad at and why.
Thanks and have a great day.
The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
There is NOT a sign in my office that says
COMPLAIN HERE
So stop using me as your verbal punching bag. I don't care who you're mad at and why.
Thanks and have a great day.
The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
TIME WASTE EPIC FAIL
ME: Are you familiar with the smart key?
GUY: Oh, yes. My wife and I both drive cars with smart keys. We just traded in as well. She has an '09 redblue car and I have a '11 redblue car so they both have smart keys. We just love it. It's so inventive.
ME: Yes, sir. Well, have a great day.
*was all that information really pertinent to my job?*
*sigh....beer me*
GUY: Oh, yes. My wife and I both drive cars with smart keys. We just traded in as well. She has an '09 redblue car and I have a '11 redblue car so they both have smart keys. We just love it. It's so inventive.
ME: Yes, sir. Well, have a great day.
*was all that information really pertinent to my job?*
*sigh....beer me*
Just FYI
....still accepting all forms of chocolate and beer for the MAKE VIC FEEL BETTER fund.
Thanks to all who donated..........
Thanks to all who donated..........
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Summertime Flu Sucks
I have a stomach ache, headache, sore muscles, sniffles, sinus pressure, fever and I am feeling nauseous.
I think I am coming down with a summer flu.
Which would make sense, seeing as all three of my kids had it last week.
This is turning out to be one crappy June.
Note to all:
Donate to the Make Vic Feel Better fund:
All forms of chocolate and beer accepted.
Thank you.
I think I am coming down with a summer flu.
Which would make sense, seeing as all three of my kids had it last week.
This is turning out to be one crappy June.
Note to all:
Donate to the Make Vic Feel Better fund:
All forms of chocolate and beer accepted.
Thank you.
Customer Comment Award:
LADY: I just love these smoothies. They are so good, you know?
ME: Um, sure. They're pretty good.
LADY: And they're sugar-free, right.
ME: Uh, no ma'am.
LADY: Oh no. I heard another lady say they were. She must have been joking.
ME: Probably so ma'am. Can I get you a diet soda or a water instead?
LADY: No, I just want my money back.
ME: The smoothie was free ma'am. ?
LADY: Not for that. For the oil change.
*huh???*
J.F.Christmas
*Beer me*
ME: Um, sure. They're pretty good.
LADY: And they're sugar-free, right.
ME: Uh, no ma'am.
LADY: Oh no. I heard another lady say they were. She must have been joking.
ME: Probably so ma'am. Can I get you a diet soda or a water instead?
LADY: No, I just want my money back.
ME: The smoothie was free ma'am. ?
LADY: Not for that. For the oil change.
*huh???*
J.F.Christmas
*Beer me*
I swear....they act like we are all gonna die
Our COMPANY people are supposed to be here today and it has the bosses in panic mode.
Ninja is showing up on the ceiling and such. Unannounced and scaring the crap outta me.
Penguin is running around like...well....like a chicken with it's head cut off
and I am freakin out cause everytime I turn around there is Ninja or Penguin reminding me for the eighth time that "Company is coming."
J.F.Christmas, guys..............we get it. Wear your name badge and such. Memorize the dumb sayings we are supposed to know.
"The company is coming...the company is coming."
Would you like a horse, a torch, and a small New England settlement to gallop through?
![]()
Ninja is showing up on the ceiling and such. Unannounced and scaring the crap outta me.
Penguin is running around like...well....like a chicken with it's head cut off
and I am freakin out cause everytime I turn around there is Ninja or Penguin reminding me for the eighth time that "Company is coming."
J.F.Christmas, guys..............we get it. Wear your name badge and such. Memorize the dumb sayings we are supposed to know.
"The company is coming...the company is coming."
Would you like a horse, a torch, and a small New England settlement to gallop through?
Dear________,
Dear Customer in the lobby,
Sure, feel free to yell at me anytime. I don't have emotions, stress or life issues to deal with at all. I am sorry that you did not have an appointment scheduled like you asked them to do last month...when you also told them you would give them a CALL BACK. *ahem*
I will take the blame for the appointment people not being able to telepathically send you "how to book an appointment" information. I will be glad to "run and tell them what a crappy job they are doing" and I'm sure they'll hop right on "getting better" at their jobs.....cause everybody knows they just sit on their butts, right? Also, stop smacking your gum. I feel like I am supposed to be in an episode of "Saved by the Bell" with all your Tiffany-Amber Theissen parallels.
I am your wonderful loaner car representative as well. I am super excited I will get to see you again before my day is over. Is there anything you need to tell me now, so that I may write it down, lest I forget? Now, Have a nice day and get in your loaner car and get the eff outta here.
Thank you-
The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
Sure, feel free to yell at me anytime. I don't have emotions, stress or life issues to deal with at all. I am sorry that you did not have an appointment scheduled like you asked them to do last month...when you also told them you would give them a CALL BACK. *ahem*
I will take the blame for the appointment people not being able to telepathically send you "how to book an appointment" information. I will be glad to "run and tell them what a crappy job they are doing" and I'm sure they'll hop right on "getting better" at their jobs.....cause everybody knows they just sit on their butts, right? Also, stop smacking your gum. I feel like I am supposed to be in an episode of "Saved by the Bell" with all your Tiffany-Amber Theissen parallels.
I am your wonderful loaner car representative as well. I am super excited I will get to see you again before my day is over. Is there anything you need to tell me now, so that I may write it down, lest I forget? Now, Have a nice day and get in your loaner car and get the eff outta here.
Thank you-
The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
Seriously thinking about becoming an alcoholic........
If I have to hear one more overprivileged idiot talk about how hard their life is I am going to cry.
Why?
Because I don't have half the crap they do and if their life is sooo bad, mine must be just downright pitiful.
*sobs...... sniff sniff*
It never gets any better, does it??
*vodka me*
![]()
Why?
Because I don't have half the crap they do and if their life is sooo bad, mine must be just downright pitiful.
*sobs...... sniff sniff*
It never gets any better, does it??
*vodka me*
While in loaners............
While I was waiting on him to remove all needed items from his car to place in loaner......This old dude asked me to hold his dentures.
Yeah, look man, I don't care if they were wrapped in a paper towel or not.
That is just flippin nasty.
And yeah, I did it.
I am so seriously way grossly underpaid.
*serious hand washing followed by massive amounts of hand sanitizer*
So Penguin and Ninja..............*I want a raise and a beer*
You both know I give SUPERIOR customer kissa**. Don't deny it.
An extra 5 an hour should suffice. And I will continue to be happy about kissing a**. Thank you and have a nice day.
Yeah, look man, I don't care if they were wrapped in a paper towel or not.
That is just flippin nasty.
And yeah, I did it.
I am so seriously way grossly underpaid.
*serious hand washing followed by massive amounts of hand sanitizer*
So Penguin and Ninja..............*I want a raise and a beer*
You both know I give SUPERIOR customer kissa**. Don't deny it.
An extra 5 an hour should suffice. And I will continue to be happy about kissing a**. Thank you and have a nice day.
Loaner week..............*sigh* again
Oh Loaners how I despise thee:
Let me count the ways:
1. I can't stop for three seconds because I have to go get cars,
2. line 'em up, go back inside,
3. fill out paperwork,
4. argue with customer over 1/4 tank of gas,
5. make 'em sign the darn agreement (which they can't understand after I clearly point and say SIGN HERE.),
6. take them out to the car while they spend twenty minutes scrubbing the paint with their index finger to make sure there are no previous minor scratches (that we don't care about anyway)
7. then they finally get in the car and I ask if they are familiar with the smart key. They say yes.
8. Go back inside (begin to repeat process) and lo and behold, the overprivileged angel is peeking in my door because they don't know how to work the smart key....but said they did.
*sonofamotherflippin.dear J.F. Christmas!!!!!.............arrggghhh!*
Customers, You are the reason why you have to wait so long for a loaner car.....so quit giving me dirty looks like it's my fault.
..........now that I have vented for the day, I feel better.
But *beer me* anyway
Let me count the ways:
1. I can't stop for three seconds because I have to go get cars,
2. line 'em up, go back inside,
3. fill out paperwork,
4. argue with customer over 1/4 tank of gas,
5. make 'em sign the darn agreement (which they can't understand after I clearly point and say SIGN HERE.),
6. take them out to the car while they spend twenty minutes scrubbing the paint with their index finger to make sure there are no previous minor scratches (that we don't care about anyway)
7. then they finally get in the car and I ask if they are familiar with the smart key. They say yes.
8. Go back inside (begin to repeat process) and lo and behold, the overprivileged angel is peeking in my door because they don't know how to work the smart key....but said they did.
*sonofamotherflippin.dear J.F. Christmas!!!!!.............arrggghhh!*
Customers, You are the reason why you have to wait so long for a loaner car.....so quit giving me dirty looks like it's my fault.
..........now that I have vented for the day, I feel better.
But *beer me* anyway
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Whaddaya know?
So I can NEVER get two specific people on the phone when customers are yelling at me because these two people won't ever return their voicemails either. They are worse than the advisors.
So I call my AGM and he tells me to page them....like I'm stupid for not doing so.
So I page them and what happens....nothing. They don't answer the phone.
ANd I have to take a handwritten message. And get yelled at because that department doesn't answer phone calls. Nice.
I knew they wouldn't answer........but I'm the stupid one for some reason........
So I call my AGM and he tells me to page them....like I'm stupid for not doing so.
So I page them and what happens....nothing. They don't answer the phone.
ANd I have to take a handwritten message. And get yelled at because that department doesn't answer phone calls. Nice.
I knew they wouldn't answer........but I'm the stupid one for some reason........
I am so seriously WAY grossly underpaid....
Just to let you know, I was asked today why the hybrid sign in the front looks like somebody scrubbed it with a brillo pad and paint remover. And I totally covered for your water-throwin butt.
...Hey, I didn't know the paint would just wipe away either, but seriously, why you gotta throw water everywhere if you're not gonna hit the phone system with it? And, you owe me a beer, sir.
And just FYI: A customer spilled her nail polish remover on it.
Your welcome very much.
*beer me* <-------serious statement. Not just for added effect. You know who you are.
...Hey, I didn't know the paint would just wipe away either, but seriously, why you gotta throw water everywhere if you're not gonna hit the phone system with it? And, you owe me a beer, sir.
And just FYI: A customer spilled her nail polish remover on it.
Your welcome very much.
*beer me* <-------serious statement. Not just for added effect. You know who you are.
As a substitute for beer, I vote we now use Vodka in the workplace. Atleast it can be disguised as water.
Last time I said I was serious about becoming an alcoholic.......I didn't even know how much more serious I could get about it.
*Vodka me*
Completely Wasted Time...
ME: Thank you for calling OCD. This is Vic. How may I direct your call?
MAN: You are located at exit B interstate 12345, correct?
ME: Yes, sir.
MAN: Ok, well I have an appointment in twenty minutes to get my oil changed and I was gonna get a smoothie while I was there cause I heard you guys do that. Do you do that?
*doesn't give me time to answer*
So well anyway, I just thought that since I was bringing my car in, I'd wait with my smoothie and grab a pack of crackers or something. I think it's wonderful you guys offer those things complimentary. It keeps customers coming back. My wife and I have been customers for seven years. But anyway I was just checking to make sure you were still located in the same spot. Okay Bye.!
*K. First of all. Major time waste. Epic Fail.
Secondly, I really am super glad that you are happy and not yelling at me but because you wasted three and a half minutes of valuable phone conversation time on nothingness, now there are two other calls holding that will be mad at me because they had to hold.
Thirdly, I don't care if you eat crackers or not.
Fourthly, yes, we are still in the same spot, dear regular customer of seven years. The building has not jumped. Also, I realize we moved once in the last ten years or so but we aren't moving out of our new building anytime soon. I know that can be a bit confusing.
Fifthly, If you are going to ask a question, I'd prefer you give me time to answer...or atleast tell me beforehand that it's rhetorical.
*somebody beer me*
MAN: You are located at exit B interstate 12345, correct?
ME: Yes, sir.
MAN: Ok, well I have an appointment in twenty minutes to get my oil changed and I was gonna get a smoothie while I was there cause I heard you guys do that. Do you do that?
*doesn't give me time to answer*
So well anyway, I just thought that since I was bringing my car in, I'd wait with my smoothie and grab a pack of crackers or something. I think it's wonderful you guys offer those things complimentary. It keeps customers coming back. My wife and I have been customers for seven years. But anyway I was just checking to make sure you were still located in the same spot. Okay Bye.!
*K. First of all. Major time waste. Epic Fail.
Secondly, I really am super glad that you are happy and not yelling at me but because you wasted three and a half minutes of valuable phone conversation time on nothingness, now there are two other calls holding that will be mad at me because they had to hold.
Thirdly, I don't care if you eat crackers or not.
Fourthly, yes, we are still in the same spot, dear regular customer of seven years. The building has not jumped. Also, I realize we moved once in the last ten years or so but we aren't moving out of our new building anytime soon. I know that can be a bit confusing.
Fifthly, If you are going to ask a question, I'd prefer you give me time to answer...or atleast tell me beforehand that it's rhetorical.
*somebody beer me*
Phone Call Idiocy...VIC: *points to mouth* Is this thing on??
ME: Thank you for calling Overprivileged Car Dealership. This is Vic. How may I direct your call?
DJW: I have an appointment for my "name brand" car. It's at 11:00 tomorrow and my advisor is R. My car is a "make and model" and color...and interior color.....and overprivileged features.
*uh....did she really just call to tell me she had an appointment?*
DJW: So..... is that all I need?
*huh?*
ME: Ma'am I'm not sure what you are needing.
DJW: Well, isn't that your job?
ME: Did you need to confirm an appointment?
DJW: Uh, yeah. Isn't that what you do?
ME: Oh, well I'll send you directly to appointments.
DJW: Oh, this isn't appointments?
ME: No, ma'am. This is the receptionist.
DJW: Oh, well, they should make that clear. When you answer the phone, you should say "How may I direct you" or something.
ME:Yes ma'am. I'll transfer you now. *pushes button*
*sonofamotherflippin J.F.Christmas....*
*While I crush the phone with an imaginary baseball bat.*
*...continuing to yell obscenities at the desk.*
I'm tellin you right now......Ninja and Penguin (the two bosses) better never ever say that I don't give good customer service. I.E. Kiss customer's a##es.
Oh, cause I so totally do.
DJW: I have an appointment for my "name brand" car. It's at 11:00 tomorrow and my advisor is R. My car is a "make and model" and color...and interior color.....and overprivileged features.
*uh....did she really just call to tell me she had an appointment?*
DJW: So..... is that all I need?
*huh?*
ME: Ma'am I'm not sure what you are needing.
DJW: Well, isn't that your job?
ME: Did you need to confirm an appointment?
DJW: Uh, yeah. Isn't that what you do?
ME: Oh, well I'll send you directly to appointments.
DJW: Oh, this isn't appointments?
ME: No, ma'am. This is the receptionist.
DJW: Oh, well, they should make that clear. When you answer the phone, you should say "How may I direct you" or something.
ME:Yes ma'am. I'll transfer you now. *pushes button*
*sonofamotherflippin J.F.Christmas....*
*While I crush the phone with an imaginary baseball bat.*
*...continuing to yell obscenities at the desk.*
I'm tellin you right now......Ninja and Penguin (the two bosses) better never ever say that I don't give good customer service. I.E. Kiss customer's a##es.
Oh, cause I so totally do.
The Crazy NEVER Stops.
Yes, it is phone week again but I have a minor cafe story for you. See, I had to dip into cafe for a minute or two and let me tell you, when crazy is around, you don't see it coming til it's right up in your face like *wham*. Here's how it went.....
CRAZY: Can I get a peach slushie?
ME: Yes ma'am. (I walk away to make smoothie.)
one minute later......
CRAZY: Is there sugar in that?
*internal sigh*
ME: Yes ma'am. Probably a pretty good bit.
CRAZY: Oh, well I can't have that. I'm trying to eat all natural substances.
*pause scene*
Ok, first of all, sugar is natural. Fattening, but natural. Secondly, did you think the smoothie was made without any sweetener at all? Because sucralose, aspartame and saccharin are not natural. And if you didn't want that, then why didn't you ask what was in the flippin smoothie if you cared that much?
*unpause*
ME: Oh, well I'm sorry ma'am. Can I get you a water?
CRAZY: I'll take a diet coke if you have it.
*flippin pause scene again*
Ok, you moron. You just turned down a smoothie that I had to make because you're trying to go all natural but now you're gonna have a flippin diet coke? Really? Theres so much wrong with this, that I don't even have time to explain it. Idiot.
*unpause*
CRAZY: *goes over to snacks and grabs a natures valley granola bar* I can have this, see, because it's all natural.
*Clearly, because the ingredients listed on the back label don't say "additives and preservatives"at all. Genius*
ME: *trying not to lash out in a fit of rage* We also have coffee?
CRAZY: Oh, no. There's so much added to coffee. Preservatives and things. They're bad for you.
ME: Uh huh.
CRAZY: Do you know how to make coffee? I don't. My husband wants coffee but I just don't know how to make it. How many scoops is for one cup of coffee?
ME: *Trying really, really hard.* I don't know ma'am. It depends on alot of things. Like, how dark or light you like your coffee. Just alot of stuff.
CRAZY: Well, it's not for me. It's for my husband. What do you think he would like?
*Uh, how bout....HE"S YOUR EFFIN HUSBAND!!*
*"K" enters cafe. Starts to fill her coffee cup.*
CRAZY: You shouldn't drink that coffee. You're putting all those chemicals in your body.
K: I put worse than coffee in there.
CRAZY: How old are you?
K: 38
CRAZY: Well, I'm 59.
*pause scene*
Yeah you are 59. And you look it. So what are you trying to say? That, K looks older than you because she puts chemicals in her body?
Well she doesn't so...........
And if you've forgone a lifetime of chemicals (which you haven't...diet coke and granola preservative idiot) and you still look like poo that has a magic insane spell on it....then I think I'll stick to eating and drinking my yummy chemicals. Thanks for the advice.
Also, on another note, why the eff don't you know how to make coffee? You're 59 flippin years old. (And your jewelery is horribly tacky. You look like the cat lady that lives down the street from me...who is also crazy.)
*unpause*
....ten minutes later
ME: *Wiping down counter with windex spray....sprayed directly on cloth....eight feet away from CRAZY....*
CRAZY: *fake hack hack hacking* Could you not spray that around me? I'm asthmatic.
*Yeah, you're also effin nuts.*
ME: I'm so sorry ma'am.
CRAZY: Yeah, well you have to be careful. You never know what someone is allergic to.
*pause scene*
Are you asthmatic or is it your allergies, you wing nut? Also, I'm so sorry I keep the cafe clean. Geez.
.....I'm allergic to ugly jewelery. Can you please remove all the shiny purple crap from your fingers? Also, brush your hair, you hippie.
*unpause*
*B shows up and takes my spot at cafe so I leave. Yay.*
Later, B tells me that CRAZY complained about me because I was "spraying that stuff" too close to her.
Go eff yourself, CRAZY. Oh and by the way, I'm glad your "natural" life is making you happy. It's also making your gut stick out farther than your DD boobs.
This suits you much better than purple jewelry........
CRAZY: Can I get a peach slushie?
ME: Yes ma'am. (I walk away to make smoothie.)
one minute later......
CRAZY: Is there sugar in that?
*internal sigh*
ME: Yes ma'am. Probably a pretty good bit.
CRAZY: Oh, well I can't have that. I'm trying to eat all natural substances.
*pause scene*
Ok, first of all, sugar is natural. Fattening, but natural. Secondly, did you think the smoothie was made without any sweetener at all? Because sucralose, aspartame and saccharin are not natural. And if you didn't want that, then why didn't you ask what was in the flippin smoothie if you cared that much?
*unpause*
ME: Oh, well I'm sorry ma'am. Can I get you a water?
CRAZY: I'll take a diet coke if you have it.
*flippin pause scene again*
Ok, you moron. You just turned down a smoothie that I had to make because you're trying to go all natural but now you're gonna have a flippin diet coke? Really? Theres so much wrong with this, that I don't even have time to explain it. Idiot.
*unpause*
CRAZY: *goes over to snacks and grabs a natures valley granola bar* I can have this, see, because it's all natural.
*Clearly, because the ingredients listed on the back label don't say "additives and preservatives"at all. Genius*
ME: *trying not to lash out in a fit of rage* We also have coffee?
CRAZY: Oh, no. There's so much added to coffee. Preservatives and things. They're bad for you.
ME: Uh huh.
CRAZY: Do you know how to make coffee? I don't. My husband wants coffee but I just don't know how to make it. How many scoops is for one cup of coffee?
ME: *Trying really, really hard.* I don't know ma'am. It depends on alot of things. Like, how dark or light you like your coffee. Just alot of stuff.
CRAZY: Well, it's not for me. It's for my husband. What do you think he would like?
*Uh, how bout....HE"S YOUR EFFIN HUSBAND!!*
*"K" enters cafe. Starts to fill her coffee cup.*
CRAZY: You shouldn't drink that coffee. You're putting all those chemicals in your body.
K: I put worse than coffee in there.
CRAZY: How old are you?
K: 38
CRAZY: Well, I'm 59.
*pause scene*
Yeah you are 59. And you look it. So what are you trying to say? That, K looks older than you because she puts chemicals in her body?
Well she doesn't so...........
And if you've forgone a lifetime of chemicals (which you haven't...diet coke and granola preservative idiot) and you still look like poo that has a magic insane spell on it....then I think I'll stick to eating and drinking my yummy chemicals. Thanks for the advice.
Also, on another note, why the eff don't you know how to make coffee? You're 59 flippin years old. (And your jewelery is horribly tacky. You look like the cat lady that lives down the street from me...who is also crazy.)
*unpause*
....ten minutes later
ME: *Wiping down counter with windex spray....sprayed directly on cloth....eight feet away from CRAZY....*
CRAZY: *fake hack hack hacking* Could you not spray that around me? I'm asthmatic.
*Yeah, you're also effin nuts.*
ME: I'm so sorry ma'am.
CRAZY: Yeah, well you have to be careful. You never know what someone is allergic to.
*pause scene*
Are you asthmatic or is it your allergies, you wing nut? Also, I'm so sorry I keep the cafe clean. Geez.
.....I'm allergic to ugly jewelery. Can you please remove all the shiny purple crap from your fingers? Also, brush your hair, you hippie.
*unpause*
*B shows up and takes my spot at cafe so I leave. Yay.*
Later, B tells me that CRAZY complained about me because I was "spraying that stuff" too close to her.
Go eff yourself, CRAZY. Oh and by the way, I'm glad your "natural" life is making you happy. It's also making your gut stick out farther than your DD boobs.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Random Thought for the day:
When you walk across a one way street and you KNOW it's one way
Why do you look both ways?
Seriously?
Why do you look both ways?
Seriously?
Yeah, I'm a Loser...it's offical
I walk back in from lunch today and who is in the office??
That's right. None other than THE Paul Finebaum.
So, what do I say?
Nothing.
Yeah, I just stare at him all wide eyed and mouth open like I'm missing a chromosome or something. (Oh, gimmie a break. This is a HUMOR blog.)
So anywho I don't say anything and he walks out of loaners.
I never even got to say "I'm a big fan".....nothin.
CRAP.
Way to go, Vic. Way to go.
Now you get to tell everybody how you almost met Paul Finebaum.
Bet they'll be super excited.
*sigh*
That's right. None other than THE Paul Finebaum.
So, what do I say?
Nothing.
Yeah, I just stare at him all wide eyed and mouth open like I'm missing a chromosome or something. (Oh, gimmie a break. This is a HUMOR blog.)
So anywho I don't say anything and he walks out of loaners.
I never even got to say "I'm a big fan".....nothin.
CRAP.
Way to go, Vic. Way to go.
Now you get to tell everybody how you almost met Paul Finebaum.
Bet they'll be super excited.
*sigh*
I Hate Stupid People
It's cafe week again and on continues the saga of the chip hoarders and cracker stealers.
So I was minding my own, making a smoothie for the 90th person that day......
when I hear someone behind me say "Excuse me."
I turn around and there is a 700 pound woman (k, maybe not that big but still, you catch the drift.)
with a handfull....HANDFULL....of cracker packs. and some candy.
Then she orders two smoothies. For herself.
I watched as she drank both of them.
Ok so I'm not exactly skinny either but geez lady. Seriously?
And, really I'm not trying to be mean but there seems to be so many reasons against needing two smoothies. And all that food.
I kinda felt bad for her really..........
until she says to her friend: "I have been doing so good on my diet, girl. I haven't had over my calorie limit in three weeks. And I've been trying soooo hard."
Um, Yeah. I hate to break it to you but those smoothies alone probably put you over your limit. Not to mention the candy. And it's clear that your motivation for diet success is at an all time high, what with all the sugar intake and everything. Way to go. You can skip your workout.
I hate stupid people.
J.F. Christmas.
*Beer me*
So I was minding my own, making a smoothie for the 90th person that day......
when I hear someone behind me say "Excuse me."
I turn around and there is a 700 pound woman (k, maybe not that big but still, you catch the drift.)
with a handfull....HANDFULL....of cracker packs. and some candy.
Then she orders two smoothies. For herself.
I watched as she drank both of them.
Ok so I'm not exactly skinny either but geez lady. Seriously?
And, really I'm not trying to be mean but there seems to be so many reasons against needing two smoothies. And all that food.
I kinda felt bad for her really..........
until she says to her friend: "I have been doing so good on my diet, girl. I haven't had over my calorie limit in three weeks. And I've been trying soooo hard."
Um, Yeah. I hate to break it to you but those smoothies alone probably put you over your limit. Not to mention the candy. And it's clear that your motivation for diet success is at an all time high, what with all the sugar intake and everything. Way to go. You can skip your workout.
I hate stupid people.
J.F. Christmas.
*Beer me*
Friday, June 3, 2011
Dear____________,
Dear Service Advisor,
If you walk by me one more time and pull out your wedgie, scratch your butt or pick your nose then I swear I am going to yell at you. For the love of all things holy, man. That is just flippin nasty. You're like 40. I feel like this shouldn't even have to be a topic of conversation. J. F. Christmas.
*beer me*
-The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
If you walk by me one more time and pull out your wedgie, scratch your butt or pick your nose then I swear I am going to yell at you. For the love of all things holy, man. That is just flippin nasty. You're like 40. I feel like this shouldn't even have to be a topic of conversation. J. F. Christmas.
*beer me*
-The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
Loaner Car Rage
I'm not trying to be rude.
Really, I'm not.
But if I hear one more person say "It's hot outside today."....................
When I am standing right there with them, putting them in a loaner car (with A/C), I am going to lose it.
Yes ma'am. Thank you for your observation. Captain Obvious. I'm out here too...and will continue to be out here for parts of the rest of the day. So quit complaining about your 20 second walk through the heat to the air conditioned luxury car and just be glad that you aren't me.
Out in the heat for alot of the day.
In work clothes. I.E. pants.
Putting superheros like you in loaner cars all day.
*sigh.....beer me*
Really, I'm not.
But if I hear one more person say "It's hot outside today."....................
When I am standing right there with them, putting them in a loaner car (with A/C), I am going to lose it.
Yes ma'am. Thank you for your observation. Captain Obvious. I'm out here too...and will continue to be out here for parts of the rest of the day. So quit complaining about your 20 second walk through the heat to the air conditioned luxury car and just be glad that you aren't me.
Out in the heat for alot of the day.
In work clothes. I.E. pants.
Putting superheros like you in loaner cars all day.
*sigh.....beer me*
Ninja diaries...
I really feel like the Ninja watches alot closer than we think he does.
I know it sounds crazy, but I really am afraid to pick up my phone at work because he might think I'm texting. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom because he might walk by and it will look like I have abandoned my post. If I get up from the phone to deliver a message, he will walk by, sure as I'm alive, and say that I'm not doing my job. ........it's kind of scary.
AND top it off with "He's a flippin Ninja so he sees and hears all."
This is becoming a stress-inducing enviroment---from fear.
He appears out of nowhere at the most inopportune times. Like when I'm checking the time on my phone.
*sigh*
Great. Just Great.
*sigh*
Pretty soon I'm going to be afraid to text at home for fear that the Ninja is watching.
...........................(whispers) He's everywhere.
I know it sounds crazy, but I really am afraid to pick up my phone at work because he might think I'm texting. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom because he might walk by and it will look like I have abandoned my post. If I get up from the phone to deliver a message, he will walk by, sure as I'm alive, and say that I'm not doing my job. ........it's kind of scary.
AND top it off with "He's a flippin Ninja so he sees and hears all."
This is becoming a stress-inducing enviroment---from fear.
He appears out of nowhere at the most inopportune times. Like when I'm checking the time on my phone.
*sigh*
Great. Just Great.
*sigh*
Pretty soon I'm going to be afraid to text at home for fear that the Ninja is watching.
...........................(whispers) He's everywhere.
There are four of them in this pic.
(whispers again)
They're everywhere...
Spotted today in loaners:
Lady wearing a blue bandanna tied around her neck (like a necklace).
*Oh, did farmhand apparel make a comeback? I didn't get that memo. Dang it. I coulda been "in" today.*
*Oh, did farmhand apparel make a comeback? I didn't get that memo. Dang it. I coulda been "in" today.*
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Loaner Car Rage
We get you a loaner. Last minute.
We get you an SUV that you requested.
We swap three car seats into said SUV.
Then you complain and gripe because all three car seats will not fit into loaner SUV.
And complain some more because we cannot take a BRAND NEW CAR off our lot and put you and your offspring in it.
Here are some options.
Get another SUV that's large enough for your family for times like this when you have to put the car in service. Judging by your 80,000 dollar car and your 50,000 dollar ring you can afford it.
Or, make other arrangements for your kids if you knew ahead of time that you didn't know whether or not three car seats would fit in the type of SUV we offer for a loaner. (or did you even think of that???)
Please stop reproducing. There are enough beeotches in the world. We don't need more.
........beeotch
*beer me*
We get you an SUV that you requested.
We swap three car seats into said SUV.
Then you complain and gripe because all three car seats will not fit into loaner SUV.
And complain some more because we cannot take a BRAND NEW CAR off our lot and put you and your offspring in it.
Here are some options.
Get another SUV that's large enough for your family for times like this when you have to put the car in service. Judging by your 80,000 dollar car and your 50,000 dollar ring you can afford it.
Or, make other arrangements for your kids if you knew ahead of time that you didn't know whether or not three car seats would fit in the type of SUV we offer for a loaner. (or did you even think of that???)
Please stop reproducing. There are enough beeotches in the world. We don't need more.
........beeotch
*beer me*
Dear ________,
Dear Customer,
I will be glad to call the Arizona Tea company for you and tell them that they should make a sugar-free version of their smoothie mix. I will let the GM know that you can see the ice machine from where you sit at the cafe and it is "unsightly". I will also be glad to inform the lady who was sitting next to you thirty minutes ago that her juice and ice combination was "grossing you out" because you don't like juice with ice. I will inform the lady at the parts counter (less than five feet away) that you can hear her phone conversation and you "don't care to hear employee conversations with other customers". I will let Food Network know that you are severely dissatisfied with Rachael Ray's old show. (Not the new one). And I will make sure that the girls in appointments know to tell you if your appointment is scheduled at the same time as "the juice lady". Lastly, I need to inform you that you need to shove your ugly teacup size dog up your tight wad butt.
Thank You- The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
I will be glad to call the Arizona Tea company for you and tell them that they should make a sugar-free version of their smoothie mix. I will let the GM know that you can see the ice machine from where you sit at the cafe and it is "unsightly". I will also be glad to inform the lady who was sitting next to you thirty minutes ago that her juice and ice combination was "grossing you out" because you don't like juice with ice. I will inform the lady at the parts counter (less than five feet away) that you can hear her phone conversation and you "don't care to hear employee conversations with other customers". I will let Food Network know that you are severely dissatisfied with Rachael Ray's old show. (Not the new one). And I will make sure that the girls in appointments know to tell you if your appointment is scheduled at the same time as "the juice lady". Lastly, I need to inform you that you need to shove your ugly teacup size dog up your tight wad butt.
Thank You- The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
LOL in loaners
I know everybody steals from the lost and found.
But geez dude, you could atleast wait a month or two before you steal nine pairs of sunglasses from the "left in loaners" pile.
I'd say in general, after three weeks, you're safe from anyone calling and wanting their stuff back.
Don't take the junk the day it comes in, man.
Seriously.
But geez dude, you could atleast wait a month or two before you steal nine pairs of sunglasses from the "left in loaners" pile.
I'd say in general, after three weeks, you're safe from anyone calling and wanting their stuff back.
Don't take the junk the day it comes in, man.
Seriously.
Spotted at cafe today:
A man in khaki shorts and a tee-shirt.
He consumed 3 bags of chips, an oatmeal cream pie, 3 packs of crackers, a smoothie and 2 cokes.
And THEN took some more things out of the snack bowl and put them in his pockets.
Then complained that the price of his service was too much...and also turned down a service his car desperately needed because it "cost too much."
*Dude, I hope your car breaks down on the way home. Then you can kill time while waiting for a tow by eating those other bags of chips that are currently in your pocket. You probably consumed 30 bucks worth of food so consider it 50% off the oil change cost*
Flippin cheap, overprivileged idiots..............
*sigh.......beer me*
He consumed 3 bags of chips, an oatmeal cream pie, 3 packs of crackers, a smoothie and 2 cokes.
And THEN took some more things out of the snack bowl and put them in his pockets.
Then complained that the price of his service was too much...and also turned down a service his car desperately needed because it "cost too much."
*Dude, I hope your car breaks down on the way home. Then you can kill time while waiting for a tow by eating those other bags of chips that are currently in your pocket. You probably consumed 30 bucks worth of food so consider it 50% off the oil change cost*
Flippin cheap, overprivileged idiots..............
*sigh.......beer me*
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Random Thought for the day
Ninja has not appeared in quite some time.
*glancing around and behind back to check for Ninja.....and on ceiling.*
Must be on double alert mode.
*And also buy some anti-Ninja spray*
*glancing around and behind back to check for Ninja.....and on ceiling.*
Must be on double alert mode.
*And also buy some anti-Ninja spray*
I hate loaner week....some more reasons why
- I can't win for losing. As soon as I pull up an SUV in the loaner line, there is someone who wants a coupe. *J. F. Christmas*
- It's hot outside and I have to go out there and line up cars with sunburn, a gimp leg and people waiting in the office that look at me when I get back like I was out there b.s. ing or something.....and not getting their paperwork ready.
- Ninja is in super super stealth mode today. Appearing in my office more than usual and whatnot.
- If I have to deal with one more advisor thinking that today is the day to try and pick on me cause I'm in groucho mode....................
- During cafe and phone week people's lunch, it's my job to watch cafe. Yay.
- I don't get paid nearly enough to deal with all the people who forget things in loaner cars then two weeks later, wonder why we can't find that particular cell phone charger or garage door opener.
- My office is the entrance for people coming inside and going outside. And for some reason they think I am the Receptionist, Advisor, Salesperson, Valet, Car-wash guy, GM, Dent Wizard person, Windshield Repair person and the flippin state senator.
- "Are you familiar with the smart key?" does not mean "Say you know how to work the smart key, wait ten minutes, then come interrupt me to say you don't know how to work the effin smart key."
Customer Comment Award:
Spotted on a customer comment card:
..."And maybe you should install a 9-hole golf course in the back of your lot. I wouldn't mind killing time by putting green."
Oh, yes, I'm serious.
They really are that overprivileged ...and blatantly unaware that they are such, which adds to the idiocy.
..."And maybe you should install a 9-hole golf course in the back of your lot. I wouldn't mind killing time by putting green."
Oh, yes, I'm serious.
They really are that overprivileged ...and blatantly unaware that they are such, which adds to the idiocy.
Serious (no, really) question of the day
*ahem*
Is there any way we can change from this drowsy horrible music to something normal and not so "Imma get a wire cutter and cut every radio wire in this effin building if I have to hear the musical only version of 'I believe I Can Fly' one more effin time" !?
Saxophones are ringing in my head..................................
I feel like I've been in the mall elevator. ALL DAY.
*ahem*
Is there any way we can change from this drowsy horrible music to something normal and not so "Imma get a wire cutter and cut every radio wire in this effin building if I have to hear the musical only version of 'I believe I Can Fly' one more effin time" !?
Saxophones are ringing in my head..................................
I feel like I've been in the mall elevator. ALL DAY.
*ahem*
Dear __________,
Dear Salesman across the street,
I realize that you are around the age of 65 and that you don't want anyone to know that you don't have any hair. However, a comb-over is no way to put off the inevitable. Especially when the wind is blowing in the opposite direction of your comb-over, causing it to stand straight up in the air like a roosters feathered head thingy. I don't really think your comb-over is fooling anyone. Just. Cut. It.
*ahem*
-Thank you
The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
I realize that you are around the age of 65 and that you don't want anyone to know that you don't have any hair. However, a comb-over is no way to put off the inevitable. Especially when the wind is blowing in the opposite direction of your comb-over, causing it to stand straight up in the air like a roosters feathered head thingy. I don't really think your comb-over is fooling anyone. Just. Cut. It.
*ahem*
-Thank you
The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
Ninja Diaries
The Ninja is at it again..............
Popping up in places and appearing out of thin air and the like.
Today he waited til 10:42 a.m. to appear in the loaner car office door.
NINJA: Good Mornin' Vic!
*Does he not realize I am in groucho mode today?*
ME: Mornin' Ninja.
Okay so I didn't really call him "Ninja", but one day it's gonna accidentally slip out and that'll be bad. Mucho.
...Then, I glance at the computer for like a second. I swear. No more than a second and I look up. He is already in cafe. Creepy.
I swear he must have some super power that detects when people are watching him and when they aren't so he knows when it's okay to go into super stealth mode and such.
I may not be able to prove he's a ninja......but I just KNOW. Plus, he's also the appropriate height. Super small stealthy Ninja.
So, um , seriously..... Is this a joke on Vic? Does he do this stance everytime I turn my back? Am I the only one who doesn't know? ....guys? anyone?
Popping up in places and appearing out of thin air and the like.
Today he waited til 10:42 a.m. to appear in the loaner car office door.
NINJA: Good Mornin' Vic!
*Does he not realize I am in groucho mode today?*
ME: Mornin' Ninja.
Okay so I didn't really call him "Ninja", but one day it's gonna accidentally slip out and that'll be bad. Mucho.
...Then, I glance at the computer for like a second. I swear. No more than a second and I look up. He is already in cafe. Creepy.
I swear he must have some super power that detects when people are watching him and when they aren't so he knows when it's okay to go into super stealth mode and such.
I may not be able to prove he's a ninja......but I just KNOW. Plus, he's also the appropriate height. Super small stealthy Ninja.
Is there a "Server" sign on my head?
If one more person hands me their half empty cup of coffee like I am a server in a restaurant, I am going to scream.
There is a garbage can literally under your nose if you would just look. Overprivileged idiots.
And WHY do you hand me a cup of coffee to throw away and not say a word?????
Thank you? maybe?
Geez, I know I work here, but this is a car dealership. Not a full service bar. Don't just hand me your empty drink cup like it's my job to go around and pick up your trash all day.
It's not even cafe week for me so it shouldn't even come close to looking like that is my job.
J.F. Christmas. Overprivileged, spoiled idiots........................and they don't even know it.
*re-remind ninja about company paid anger therapy*
*Also, don't forget the stress squeezy ball thingy*
There is a garbage can literally under your nose if you would just look. Overprivileged idiots.
And WHY do you hand me a cup of coffee to throw away and not say a word?????
Thank you? maybe?
Geez, I know I work here, but this is a car dealership. Not a full service bar. Don't just hand me your empty drink cup like it's my job to go around and pick up your trash all day.
It's not even cafe week for me so it shouldn't even come close to looking like that is my job.
J.F. Christmas. Overprivileged, spoiled idiots........................and they don't even know it.
*re-remind ninja about company paid anger therapy*
*Also, don't forget the stress squeezy ball thingy*
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Awesome-O
Spotted while waiting by restrooms today:
An old man pulling out a wedgie while walking into restroom(in front of super hot girl), then winking and whistling at super hot girl when he came out.
Total Awesome-o sir.
Dude that's the most major Epic Fail I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.
Total awesome-o
"Hey sweet thing...Can I buy you a fish sandwich?"
An old man pulling out a wedgie while walking into restroom(in front of super hot girl), then winking and whistling at super hot girl when he came out.
Total Awesome-o sir.
Dude that's the most major Epic Fail I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.
Total awesome-o
Dear Salesmen
Dear Salesmen,
*ahem*
I realize that part of my job on phone week is knowing where you are at during business hours. However, since I have already given this speech to the advisors, I must tell you as well. I DO NOT CARE if you have to "go pee". Again, I understand that I have to know where you are, incase a customer is looking for you. But unless you are going across the street to pee because they have "prettier bathrooms", then I promise I will page you over the intercom if I cannot find you in the event a customer is looking for you. I will not tell a customer you are not here if you stepped away from your desk for three minutes. You do NOT have to tell me you are peeing. I don't care. *ahem*
Thank you- The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
*ahem*
I realize that part of my job on phone week is knowing where you are at during business hours. However, since I have already given this speech to the advisors, I must tell you as well. I DO NOT CARE if you have to "go pee". Again, I understand that I have to know where you are, incase a customer is looking for you. But unless you are going across the street to pee because they have "prettier bathrooms", then I promise I will page you over the intercom if I cannot find you in the event a customer is looking for you. I will not tell a customer you are not here if you stepped away from your desk for three minutes. You do NOT have to tell me you are peeing. I don't care. *ahem*
Thank you- The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
The System
I must paraphrase a statement I read recently:
*ahem*
Why do customers think we keep everything in "The System"?
This is not the Matrix.
I can not quantam jump and tell you what color your shoes were three Thursdays ago when you were in here last.
I can not see what kind of cat you put in your loaner car last year.
I don't know what time your appointment was on the oil change at the dealership across the street.
And yet they ask, "can you just look it up in your system?"
Uh, no, lady. I can't.
I feel like this shouldn't even have to be a topic of conversation.
I could understand if these were reasonable requests like
"What kind of car do I drive cause I am too lazy to go look for myself."
You know, things we actually keep in our computer files.
"What time is my appointment tomorrow?"....That I CAN look up.
But I am VERY sorry, sir. I can not tell you if you had a strawberry smoothie or raspberry last time you were in here. Even if I could look it up, Why does it matter?
*double sigh*
*sigh* .........But this is where I ended up last time I tried to dive into "the system" so I'm not gonna try it again........Look up your own information. Please.
*ahem*
Why do customers think we keep everything in "The System"?
This is not the Matrix.
I can not quantam jump and tell you what color your shoes were three Thursdays ago when you were in here last.
I can not see what kind of cat you put in your loaner car last year.
I don't know what time your appointment was on the oil change at the dealership across the street.
And yet they ask, "can you just look it up in your system?"
Uh, no, lady. I can't.
I feel like this shouldn't even have to be a topic of conversation.
I could understand if these were reasonable requests like
"What kind of car do I drive cause I am too lazy to go look for myself."
You know, things we actually keep in our computer files.
"What time is my appointment tomorrow?"....That I CAN look up.
But I am VERY sorry, sir. I can not tell you if you had a strawberry smoothie or raspberry last time you were in here. Even if I could look it up, Why does it matter?
*double sigh*
I tried to look in the system for you ma'am.
Customer Comment Award
C: Do you have a parts department?
Me: Yes, sir. It's right around that corner.
C: Do you sell (brand name of car) parts?
Me: Yes, sir. This is (OCD). We sell parts for the cars we distribute.
C: I was just checking to make sure I wasn't going to get there and it be a different kind of car part that you sell.
*In a "redblue" dealership we are going to sell car parts, but not "redblue" ones. Yes, that's a great marketing strategy. J.F. Christmas Beer me.*
Me: Yes, sir. It's right around that corner.
C: Do you sell (brand name of car) parts?
Me: Yes, sir. This is (OCD). We sell parts for the cars we distribute.
C: I was just checking to make sure I wasn't going to get there and it be a different kind of car part that you sell.
*In a "redblue" dealership we are going to sell car parts, but not "redblue" ones. Yes, that's a great marketing strategy. J.F. Christmas Beer me.*
Fridays tale of Woe
First this guy calls and says he emailed to inquire about a car and they called him back and he missed the call but he doesn't know who it was.
I politely say "Sir, that could be a number of people. Do you happen to know what department it was?"
"BG: (in a child-like mocking tone) "Sir, that could be a number of people....blah blah yak yak.
Look, little girl, I just need to speak to who I spoke with.
*really?*
ME: Who was it that you spoke with?
*Does he really think treating me like dirt will get him anywhere?*
BG: I am inquiring about spending 22,000 dollars. Do you understand that? 22,000 dollars. So I don't have time for this @%*$.
*J.F.Christmas*
*So I hung up.*
First of all, I really don't care if you spend 22,000 dollars here. That's not really alot of money in comparison to how much people spend in here. So if you think that's gonna shoot you to the top of my list, you're wrong. Secondly, if you don't know who the eff you need to talk to then how the J. F. Christmas am I supposed to transfer you to them. Thirdly, I am 26 years old. I realize that doesn't make me old, but I am not a little girl.
Go Eff yourself, you old fart. Eff yourself.
..................Thirty minutes later..........................
ME: Thank you for calling (OCD). This is Vic. How may I direct your call?
DA: I was calling to inquire if you have any Blue Cross offices in Chicago. I'm from Chicago. This was the only number I could find.
ME: Ma'am, this is a car dealership in Alabama. Not an insurance company. This is Overprivileged Car Dealership.
DA: Well, do you have any offices in Chicago? For Blue Cross?
ME: Ma'am this is OVERPRIVILEGED CAR DEALERSHIP. Not Blue Cross.
DA: DO YOU have any Blue Cross offices in Chicago?
ME: Ma'am I really don't think you have the correct phone number.
DA: (to someone in background) Ugh, these people on the phone are such dumb a@&es.
*clearly, I am the dumb a##*
*Sonofamotherflippin jose flippin christmas you stupid beeotch!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
*While I break things with the phone reciever*
*Note to self: MUST tell ninja that company paid anger management is a good idea.*
*And also get one of those squeezy stress ball thingys.*
*Dear sweet goodness I need some serious beer time.*
*Sigh*
I politely say "Sir, that could be a number of people. Do you happen to know what department it was?"
"BG: (in a child-like mocking tone) "Sir, that could be a number of people....blah blah yak yak.
Look, little girl, I just need to speak to who I spoke with.
*really?*
ME: Who was it that you spoke with?
*Does he really think treating me like dirt will get him anywhere?*
BG: I am inquiring about spending 22,000 dollars. Do you understand that? 22,000 dollars. So I don't have time for this @%*$.
*J.F.Christmas*
*So I hung up.*
First of all, I really don't care if you spend 22,000 dollars here. That's not really alot of money in comparison to how much people spend in here. So if you think that's gonna shoot you to the top of my list, you're wrong. Secondly, if you don't know who the eff you need to talk to then how the J. F. Christmas am I supposed to transfer you to them. Thirdly, I am 26 years old. I realize that doesn't make me old, but I am not a little girl.
Go Eff yourself, you old fart. Eff yourself.
..................Thirty minutes later..........................
ME: Thank you for calling (OCD). This is Vic. How may I direct your call?
DA: I was calling to inquire if you have any Blue Cross offices in Chicago. I'm from Chicago. This was the only number I could find.
ME: Ma'am, this is a car dealership in Alabama. Not an insurance company. This is Overprivileged Car Dealership.
DA: Well, do you have any offices in Chicago? For Blue Cross?
ME: Ma'am this is OVERPRIVILEGED CAR DEALERSHIP. Not Blue Cross.
DA: DO YOU have any Blue Cross offices in Chicago?
ME: Ma'am I really don't think you have the correct phone number.
DA: (to someone in background) Ugh, these people on the phone are such dumb a@&es.
*clearly, I am the dumb a##*
*Sonofamotherflippin jose flippin christmas you stupid beeotch!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
*While I break things with the phone reciever*
*Note to self: MUST tell ninja that company paid anger management is a good idea.*
*And also get one of those squeezy stress ball thingys.*
*Dear sweet goodness I need some serious beer time.*
*Sigh*
Serious Question of the Day
Why do we always have the same thing for lunch every time I work a Saturday? Do they do this as a little joke on me? I'm serious.
Same thing.
Five working Saturdays in a row.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Really?
I mean, Yeah, it's funny, but dude I'm tired of pasta.
GAH.
*beer me*
Same thing.
Five working Saturdays in a row.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Really?
I mean, Yeah, it's funny, but dude I'm tired of pasta.
GAH.
*beer me*
The Ninja is Back
So Ninja went on vacation for a week
And for a week I was relaxed and not on high alert.
Not that I had a reason to be but he makes me nervous, so knowing that he wasn't there was ....well.....nice.
But now he's back and I feel like I should be on double alert.
He is seriously, super stealthy and way quiet.
You NEVER hear him coming. He's just there all of a sudden. Three inches from your face.
Like, I don't even pick up my phone to glance at the time because I'm deathly afraid he will appear and think I am texting or something. Yeah, it's that bad.
It's SCARY.
And for a week I was relaxed and not on high alert.
Not that I had a reason to be but he makes me nervous, so knowing that he wasn't there was ....well.....nice.
But now he's back and I feel like I should be on double alert.
He is seriously, super stealthy and way quiet.
You NEVER hear him coming. He's just there all of a sudden. Three inches from your face.
Like, I don't even pick up my phone to glance at the time because I'm deathly afraid he will appear and think I am texting or something. Yeah, it's that bad.
It's SCARY.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I don't know.....
ME: Thank you for calling (OCD) this is Vic. How may I direct your call?
CL: Yes ma'am, this is Crazy Lady. Can you tell me what kind of car I drive?
*uh, what?*
*five second pause*
ME: I'm sorry?
CL: Yes, can you look up in your "system" and see what kind of car I drive?
(pause scene)
Okay:
1: You drive the flippin thing so you should know what it is.
2: Are you too lazy to walk into your garage and look?
3: For a second there I really thought you thought I was psychic.
4: I'll tell you what kind of car you drive if you can tell me what color my socks are today. This is not the Psychic Network, lady. I mean seriously.
5: Yeah, we can do that, but why is there a need for it? I mean, really?
6: Why does everyone assume that we keep everything in "the system"?
*Lady, I swear to all things holy if you don't go to your garage and look for yourself.................argh!!!!*
And now I have seven calls holding because I couldn't get her off the phone. Happy flippin Thursday, everyone.
CL: Yes ma'am, this is Crazy Lady. Can you tell me what kind of car I drive?
*uh, what?*
*five second pause*
ME: I'm sorry?
CL: Yes, can you look up in your "system" and see what kind of car I drive?
(pause scene)
Okay:
1: You drive the flippin thing so you should know what it is.
2: Are you too lazy to walk into your garage and look?
3: For a second there I really thought you thought I was psychic.
4: I'll tell you what kind of car you drive if you can tell me what color my socks are today. This is not the Psychic Network, lady. I mean seriously.
5: Yeah, we can do that, but why is there a need for it? I mean, really?
6: Why does everyone assume that we keep everything in "the system"?
*Lady, I swear to all things holy if you don't go to your garage and look for yourself.................argh!!!!*
And now I have seven calls holding because I couldn't get her off the phone. Happy flippin Thursday, everyone.
And then there was one.
Most awesome-o gross thing I have ever seen an old lady do.
Just imagine you are working cafe and a crowd of people are gathered 'round the coffee condiments.
Old lady (purple eyebrows and all) gets in chair then leans over to get something out of her bag.
Yep. That's right.
Pfffrrrrttttttttttt.
She farted.
So loud that three people turned to look at her.
She stared back, either oblivious to the situation or acting like she had no idea she just let a ginormous fart rip.
They all left. *snicker*
You got rid of three people for me and you didn't even want to chat with me. (which I hate chatting with people I don't know.)
So thanks!
Total AWESOME-O lady. Totally awesome-o.
Just imagine you are working cafe and a crowd of people are gathered 'round the coffee condiments.
Old lady (purple eyebrows and all) gets in chair then leans over to get something out of her bag.
Yep. That's right.
Pfffrrrrttttttttttt.
She farted.
So loud that three people turned to look at her.
She stared back, either oblivious to the situation or acting like she had no idea she just let a ginormous fart rip.
They all left. *snicker*
You got rid of three people for me and you didn't even want to chat with me. (which I hate chatting with people I don't know.)
So thanks!
Total AWESOME-O lady. Totally awesome-o.
Oh,yes. Really
Loaners is a one of a kind job. Seriously.
The other day (I forgot to tell you guys)
Somebody puked in a loaner and didn't clean it up.
Yeah, that's right.
They let it dry for four days. 4 days!!
A few things cross my mind.
How lazy and disgusting are you that you'd rather ride around in a car that smells like vomit than clean it up yourself? For 4 days?!!!? Really?
Gross.
Did you really expect that we wouldn't make a fuss over something like that?
Who cleans the vomit out of your own car? The thirty pound dog probably gets to it before you do anyway, right?
Ewwwee again.
What exactly did you eat? Seriously? No, really, I have never seen that many colors in puke before. Ever.
*shudder*
The other day (I forgot to tell you guys)
Somebody puked in a loaner and didn't clean it up.
Yeah, that's right.
They let it dry for four days. 4 days!!
A few things cross my mind.
How lazy and disgusting are you that you'd rather ride around in a car that smells like vomit than clean it up yourself? For 4 days?!!!? Really?
Gross.
Did you really expect that we wouldn't make a fuss over something like that?
Who cleans the vomit out of your own car? The thirty pound dog probably gets to it before you do anyway, right?
Ewwwee again.
What exactly did you eat? Seriously? No, really, I have never seen that many colors in puke before. Ever.
*shudder*
Yes, There is a reason.
ME: Ok sir. I just need you to sign a loaner agreement form.
SM: Oh, there's no reason for that. I wont wreck the car.
*huh?*
*Ok you overprivileged idiot. Let me explain something. For one thing they aren't called "on purposes". They are called accidents. Because you weren't expecting them. If I have to tell one more of you way-to-short-shorts old men to sign the flippin paper and you make a big deal over it then I'll just let you wait on your car to get done.
All you're gonna do anyway is go to the mall and walk your thirty pound dog around in there too.
By the way, there is a clause in our agreement that says you can't have animals in the car.......But it's not like you would listen.
You'd just put your dog in the car anyway because people are supposed to do everything your way, huh?
Jose flippin Christmas, I love my job.*
SM: Oh, there's no reason for that. I wont wreck the car.
*huh?*
*Ok you overprivileged idiot. Let me explain something. For one thing they aren't called "on purposes". They are called accidents. Because you weren't expecting them. If I have to tell one more of you way-to-short-shorts old men to sign the flippin paper and you make a big deal over it then I'll just let you wait on your car to get done.
All you're gonna do anyway is go to the mall and walk your thirty pound dog around in there too.
By the way, there is a clause in our agreement that says you can't have animals in the car.......But it's not like you would listen.
You'd just put your dog in the car anyway because people are supposed to do everything your way, huh?
Jose flippin Christmas, I love my job.*
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
dagommit
WHO THE EFF decided that WHITE effin shirts were a good idea this year?
I look like I spend 90% of my time spilling coffee and cleaning ashtrays.
Go eff yourself shirt picker outer. Eff yourself.
I look like I spend 90% of my time spilling coffee and cleaning ashtrays.
Go eff yourself shirt picker outer. Eff yourself.
I hate Cafe week...and this is why.
- I hate the 7a.m. rush of people needing coffee faster than I can make it.
- Twenty percent of my customers can't speak English.
THEM: Yes, Thank you.
ME: Creamer?
THEM: Yes, thank you.
ME: Sugar?
THEM: Yes, thank you.
ME: Drano?
THEM: Yes, thank you.
*sigh*
3. No adult can pick up their own trash and walk three steps to the trashcan. But they want to make sure you can stop what you're doing, walk over to them, take the trash out of their hand and walk fifteen steps to the effin trashcan.
4. There are crazy people who wont leave you alone. And you are stuck there. Unless the phone week person has to pee.
5. I have to re-stock that motherflippin bowl o' snacks like seven times a day beacuse the rich people are secretly bums.
6. If I have to hear one more lady talk about how she works so hard going grocery shopping and playing Gin with the 'ladies' that she needs a break, I am going to pick up the snack bowl and break it over her little way too bright pink lipstick, purple eyebrowed face.
7. And today especially....I got the grand pleasure of listening to one of our favorite customers gripe about how she had been waiting since 7 o'clock and it just wasn't right to make her wait. It was 7:10. Yeah, welcome to my world.
*beer me*
*sigh*
Dude, really?
If you are going to bring beer, you better effin tell me it's there.
Have I not been specifically announcing to you that I continuously need a beer?
*Beer me*???
I'm not playin, sir.
I will run you over with my big @&* truck.
Then take your effin beer.
Bud Light preferably.
You know who you are...................
Have I not been specifically announcing to you that I continuously need a beer?
*Beer me*???
I'm not playin, sir.
I will run you over with my big @&* truck.
Then take your effin beer.
Bud Light preferably.
You know who you are...................
Serious (no, really) question of the day
If we are going to leave windows down on cars in the dealership why don't we just leave the cars unlocked? That way I don't have to hear a car alarm go off every day...right beside my ear.
Cause you know some idiot will think...oh I'll just unlock it from the inside.
*Honk Hooonk Hooonk Hooonk (fifteen minute repeated sucession)*
*yeah*
Cause you know some idiot will think...oh I'll just unlock it from the inside.
*Honk Hooonk Hooonk Hooonk (fifteen minute repeated sucession)*
*yeah*
Spotted while at Cafe today
A lady grabbing EVERY SINGLE tootsie roll in the candy jar.
Yes, every single one.
*Again. You mean you'll pay 60,000 for a car but you can't afford a bag of tootsie rolls from effin Walmart. Flippin Christmas, lady. Overprivileged, hot pink leotard wearing idiot.*
Yes, every single one.
*Again. You mean you'll pay 60,000 for a car but you can't afford a bag of tootsie rolls from effin Walmart. Flippin Christmas, lady. Overprivileged, hot pink leotard wearing idiot.*
Customer Conversation Award:
MAN: I don't understand why we have to sign a waiver saying we will pay for any damages (on the loaner) if we wreck it.
GIRL20S: Uh YEAH, it's not even my car. It's theirs. Duh.
*Oh I bet you graduated with honors. Didn't you, sweetie?*
*beer me, beer me, beer me*
GIRL20S: Uh YEAH, it's not even my car. It's theirs. Duh.
*Oh I bet you graduated with honors. Didn't you, sweetie?*
*beer me, beer me, beer me*
I quit
Found 3rd gray hair of my life today.
INTERNALLY: sonofamotherflippin....ah jose flippin christmas man.argh!!!!!!! It must be this place. Gray hair didn't start appearing until this job. Must decrease stress level at work. (ten second pause)
I quit.
Ah, who am I effin kidding.
See you guys tomorrow.
INTERNALLY: sonofamotherflippin....ah jose flippin christmas man.argh!!!!!!! It must be this place. Gray hair didn't start appearing until this job. Must decrease stress level at work. (ten second pause)
I quit.
Ah, who am I effin kidding.
See you guys tomorrow.
I really need a raise
Ok so today my boss came in (not Ninja...the other one) and my pants leg somehow became entangled in my chair.
Because it's been walked on until its full of little miniscule holes and such.
ME: Boss, I need a raise so I can buy new pants.
*okay, let me rephrase. I am so flippin poor right now that I can't afford to go buy new pants to wear to work unless I get a raise.*
Boss ignores me completely.
It's like I spend 90% of my time talking to myself.
VIC: (points to mouth) Is it on?
*sigh*
*Don't expect me to dress up for halloween this year, punk. You can't afford my new pants? I can't afford your company good spirited halloween thingy. I have no idea how that makes me one up...but it does. Oh, it sooo totally does.*
Because it's been walked on until its full of little miniscule holes and such.
ME: Boss, I need a raise so I can buy new pants.
*okay, let me rephrase. I am so flippin poor right now that I can't afford to go buy new pants to wear to work unless I get a raise.*
Boss ignores me completely.
It's like I spend 90% of my time talking to myself.
VIC: (points to mouth) Is it on?
*sigh*
*Don't expect me to dress up for halloween this year, punk. You can't afford my new pants? I can't afford your company good spirited halloween thingy. I have no idea how that makes me one up...but it does. Oh, it sooo totally does.*
I am old. It's offical.
Yesterday in loaners, an old guy winked at me.
Like, for real winked at me.
Ewwwweeee......*shudder*
And in a typical Clueless Cher moment I said ........"as if."
Wow, you know you're old when you use vernacular that existed twenty years ago and is no longer in style.
Epic fail.
Like, for real winked at me.
Ewwwweeee......*shudder*
And in a typical Clueless Cher moment I said ........"as if."
Wow, you know you're old when you use vernacular that existed twenty years ago and is no longer in style.
Epic fail.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Let me explain something. I have to keep up with all the cars in loaners. So if the computer says I'm supposed to have a car and I don't, then I have to find it before I leave.
That means (normally) spending two hours tracking down a key that some employee has taken and not notified me of on the Customer Car Check Out sheet.
Thanks alot guys.
I've had to do this every day for a week.
In three weeks I am in loaners again.
I swear to all that is holy. The next person I catch with a key that hasn't told me about it...............
I'll tell the Ninja. And he will appear....right in front of you. I. Swear. It.
That means (normally) spending two hours tracking down a key that some employee has taken and not notified me of on the Customer Car Check Out sheet.
Thanks alot guys.
I've had to do this every day for a week.
In three weeks I am in loaners again.
I swear to all that is holy. The next person I catch with a key that hasn't told me about it...............
I'll tell the Ninja. And he will appear....right in front of you. I. Swear. It.
Holy Crap!!
okay, sooo.... I'm really not trying to be mean. But Lady....geez.
If you are going to pencil in eyebrows, let's not overdo it, ok?
You look like chewbacca. On a bad day. And purple is NOT a natural color.
Thank you- The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
If you are going to pencil in eyebrows, let's not overdo it, ok?
You look like chewbacca. On a bad day. And purple is NOT a natural color.
Thank you- The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Best Customer Ticket EVER
So when the overprivileged people bring their cars in for service the valets (yes, valets) take their information, keys and write down the mileage on the car before giving the information to the advisor. The customer said he didn't trust the valet with the key. (really?)
keep in mind that the valet has to have the key before getting the mileage..........
Name: Dr. so and so
Time: 12:05
VIN:
MODEL:
COLOR: TAG#
Mileage: *!# hole wouldn't give me the key
*baaahahahahahahahahahhahaaaaaa*
I believe there were some words exchanged after the*!#hole *ahem* customer saw what the valet had written.
Best. Ticket. Ever.
keep in mind that the valet has to have the key before getting the mileage..........
Name: Dr. so and so
Time: 12:05
VIN:
MODEL:
COLOR: TAG#
Mileage: *!# hole wouldn't give me the key
*baaahahahahahahahahahhahaaaaaa*
I believe there were some words exchanged after the
Best. Ticket. Ever.
Serious (No, really) question of the day.
Ok. I love animals. Really, I do.
But why are these overprivileged idiots bringing their thirty pound dogs into a car dealership?
Not blind. check
No other physical ailments. check.
Oh, they just want to take their dogs everywhere because they have nothing better to do. Gotcha.
But why are these overprivileged idiots bringing their thirty pound dogs into a car dealership?
Not blind. check
No other physical ailments. check.
Oh, they just want to take their dogs everywhere because they have nothing better to do. Gotcha.
Best Customer Comment Award:
While walking a man out to his loaner car:
MAN: So, did I get everything out of my car?
While looking at me.
I start to realize he actually believes I am psychic.
MAN: Well? Did I get everything I needed out of my car?
*Sigh* *How do you even respond to that?*
*sonofamotherflippin...................aaaaahhhhhhhhh*
I don't know if you did or not you crazy overprivileged lunatic.
So now not only am I beneath you. I am now supposed to be a psychic. I don't know what's in your car, what you need out of your car, what you have gotten out of your car already or anything else related to what's in YOUR car!!!
NOTE TO BOSS: Don't forget. Add "psychic" to job description posted on the website.
*beer me*
MAN: So, did I get everything out of my car?
While looking at me.
I start to realize he actually believes I am psychic.
MAN: Well? Did I get everything I needed out of my car?
*Sigh* *How do you even respond to that?*
*sonofamotherflippin...................aaaaahhhhhhhhh*
I don't know if you did or not you crazy overprivileged lunatic.
So now not only am I beneath you. I am now supposed to be a psychic. I don't know what's in your car, what you need out of your car, what you have gotten out of your car already or anything else related to what's in YOUR car!!!
NOTE TO BOSS: Don't forget. Add "psychic" to job description posted on the website.
*beer me*
Best argument in my office EVER
The advisors fight over who's turn it is to refill the paper in the printer. All I hear all day long is things like:
-I refilled it last time!
-I'm busy with a customer
-If I have to do it one more time today, I'm going home!!
But today the scene in my office went a lil something like this:
A1: I told you to refill it like 20 minutes ago and you just sat in your office so I refilled it. You are refilling it next time.
A2: I came in here to refill it but there was paper already in it.
A1: YEAH, that's cause I used my emergency stash of paper. I won't refill it again today......
*pause scene*
Baaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Man, you have an emergency stash of paper??
In case of drowning...grab the paper
Fire? No problem. We've got paper for that
Choking? .........paper
I understand your job requires the use of paper. But I really wouldn't tell anyone I had an emergency paper stash.
*baaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*
*ahem*
-I refilled it last time!
-I'm busy with a customer
-If I have to do it one more time today, I'm going home!!
But today the scene in my office went a lil something like this:
A1: I told you to refill it like 20 minutes ago and you just sat in your office so I refilled it. You are refilling it next time.
A2: I came in here to refill it but there was paper already in it.
A1: YEAH, that's cause I used my emergency stash of paper. I won't refill it again today......
*pause scene*
Baaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Man, you have an emergency stash of paper??
In case of drowning...grab the paper
Fire? No problem. We've got paper for that
Choking? .........paper
I understand your job requires the use of paper. But I really wouldn't tell anyone I had an emergency paper stash.
*baaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*
*ahem*
Am I missing something?
Is there a sign on my head that says COMPLAIN HERE?
No, Seriously? Is there?
That's the 8th time today someone in the office has come into MY office to complain about someone else.
*sigh*
Why don't we just start a chain letter then everyone can add their complaints then pass it along?
Can we install mute buttons on people. I'm writing the government for a grant petition. You think I'm kidding......................
No, Seriously? Is there?
That's the 8th time today someone in the office has come into MY office to complain about someone else.
*sigh*
Why don't we just start a chain letter then everyone can add their complaints then pass it along?
Can we install mute buttons on people. I'm writing the government for a grant petition. You think I'm kidding......................
VIC: (points to mouth) Is it on??
Ok. The Loaner agreement that customers have to sign has two places for a signature and one place for initals.
I clearly state (and POINT) sign here and here....then inital here.
Customer waits three seconds than says..."Where do I need to sign??"
*sonofamotherflipppin....oooohhhhh holy flippin jose christmas man!!!*
And it happens atleast 15 times a day.
*I'm thinking about becoming an alcoholic....beer me*
I clearly state (and POINT) sign here and here....then inital here.
Customer waits three seconds than says..."Where do I need to sign??"
*sonofamotherflipppin....oooohhhhh holy flippin jose christmas man!!!*
And it happens atleast 15 times a day.
*I'm thinking about becoming an alcoholic....beer me*
Yes, I was staring.
okay ladies, here's a small tip for you.
*sigh*
I feel like I shouldn't even have to say it but here goes....
*ahem*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT wear a lace see-through shirt if you are not going to wear a bra and expect everyone not to notice. Flippin Christmas, lady.
I was putting you in your loaner car and the darn thing kept on trying to pop out of the jacket. I wanted to reach in there and put it away FOR you.
I really feel like this shouldn't even have to be a topic of conversation.
And if you need ways to divert attention from your bad hair....find another way. Seriously.
*sigh*
*beer me*
*sigh*
I feel like I shouldn't even have to say it but here goes....
*ahem*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT wear a lace see-through shirt if you are not going to wear a bra and expect everyone not to notice. Flippin Christmas, lady.
I was putting you in your loaner car and the darn thing kept on trying to pop out of the jacket. I wanted to reach in there and put it away FOR you.
I really feel like this shouldn't even have to be a topic of conversation.
And if you need ways to divert attention from your bad hair....find another way. Seriously.
*sigh*
*beer me*
Monday, May 9, 2011
Dear Specific Advisor
Dear specific Advisor,
*sigh*
I REALLY DON"T KNOW why the printer/copier will not "behave appropriately". If I knew, I would fix it so you would quit running your mouth at me about it and leave my office.
*beer me*
-The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
*sigh*
I REALLY DON"T KNOW why the printer/copier will not "behave appropriately". If I knew, I would fix it so you would quit running your mouth at me about it and leave my office.
*beer me*
-The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
Work paid Counseling
I vote we also have work paid counseling. Why?
Because I have considered quitting atleast seven times today.
Well, that's pretty normal for me, but what I mean is, it was either quit or beat someone.
So what did I do?
NO, I didn't quit. Who would want to leave this adorable job? Yeah, I just shut my mouth, kicked the trashcan (tried to kick the trashcan) then missed and hit the desk leg. In sandals. Ow.
Now my flippin toe hurts and I am ready to spit on the next person who asks for a SUV instead of a coupe.
Don't think I wont.
Ok. I really wont but I'd like to.
That's exactly why we should have company paid counseling.
For angry people like me.
Because I have considered quitting atleast seven times today.
Well, that's pretty normal for me, but what I mean is, it was either quit or beat someone.
So what did I do?
NO, I didn't quit. Who would want to leave this adorable job? Yeah, I just shut my mouth, kicked the trashcan (tried to kick the trashcan) then missed and hit the desk leg. In sandals. Ow.
Now my flippin toe hurts and I am ready to spit on the next person who asks for a SUV instead of a coupe.
Don't think I wont.
Ok. I really wont but I'd like to.
That's exactly why we should have company paid counseling.
For angry people like me.
Ninja strikes again
Okay, I offically vote we install tracking devices on the bosses. No, seriously. I am tired of the ninja appearing from nowhere all the time. It has happened twice today already. I'm not doing anything wrong. He just makes me think that HE thinks I'm doing something wrong. Which makes me nervous, which makes it look like I'm doing something wrong. I was standing in the cafe drinking a soda (that I brought from home. But I know he thinks I stole it. Dagomit flippin Christmas.) Just stop it man. Just. Stop. It.
You shall NOT steal from cafe!!
When I say Dead...I mean Dead
Dear Service Advisors,
I realize that my office is located conveniently as a hang out spot. However, if there is a customer in there with me, please do not talk over me while I am trying to talk to the customer. Also, it really pisses me off when you decide to tell a customer they don't have to return the car with gas in it. Then they look at me like I'M the retard. Furthermore, I don't care about the things you do. I'E. when you tell me that the sweetest lady in the world is in your office so I "should be real nice and get her the loaner car she wants." Jose flippin Christmas people! I just want her out of my office. The next person that complains about what car they recieve will be ordered dead by royal decree.....I swear it.
On another note, I also do not care when you are going to pee. I do not think that is pertinent information to my job. Don't know why you guys tell me these things...really.......
-The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
I realize that my office is located conveniently as a hang out spot. However, if there is a customer in there with me, please do not talk over me while I am trying to talk to the customer. Also, it really pisses me off when you decide to tell a customer they don't have to return the car with gas in it. Then they look at me like I'M the retard. Furthermore, I don't care about the things you do. I'E. when you tell me that the sweetest lady in the world is in your office so I "should be real nice and get her the loaner car she wants." Jose flippin Christmas people! I just want her out of my office. The next person that complains about what car they recieve will be ordered dead by royal decree.....I swear it.
On another note, I also do not care when you are going to pee. I do not think that is pertinent information to my job. Don't know why you guys tell me these things...really.......
-The Underpaid Receptionist
c/o The Overprivileged Office
I have how many appointments today!?
So it's Loaners this week and dear flippin Christmas I have already done 35 appointments in 4 hours. Geez. That includes typing up paperwork, getting customer to sign it, customer arguing with you on returning car with 1/4 tank of gas, taking them out to car, checking for damage, making sure they know how to operate the darn thing and on a bad day...going to line up more cars and do it all over again.
I've done that 35 times today already.
Yay.
Gotta love Loaners.
Better than phone week though.
I guess theres a little happy left in my manic Monday.
I've done that 35 times today already.
Yay.
Gotta love Loaners.
Better than phone week though.
I guess theres a little happy left in my manic Monday.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Well if you really wanna know.....
I've had alot of my readers asking here lately if I am a sports fan.
Well,
*ahem*
Well,
*ahem*
ROOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!
*ahem*
*teehee*
I seriously think my boss is a Ninja
My boss is a super cool guy. Love'em ta death and all that "bestest boss ever" mumbo. But anywho....he literally scares the crap outta me!
Example: I am sitting at the desk answering the phone and the next thing I know......
BOSS: Mornin kiddo!!
In his most happy to be at work voice.
Three inches away from my face.
*flippin jose christmas!!*
I turn, completely startled with a jump and manage a "mornin'". Surprised and proud of myself that I didn't yell "Holy ****!!, boss".....just sayin.
How does he just appear out of thin air like that?? Scares the crap outta me. And he does it all the time..............it's like he's a ninja and he just manages a car dealership on the side.
*Note to self:
Don't try and steal soda from cafe. You will get caught.
Don't try and steal soda from cafe. You will get caught.
Don't try and steal soda from cafe. You will get caught.*
Seriously. Super. Stealthy. Ninja.
Example: I am sitting at the desk answering the phone and the next thing I know......
BOSS: Mornin kiddo!!
In his most happy to be at work voice.
Three inches away from my face.
*flippin jose christmas!!*
I turn, completely startled with a jump and manage a "mornin'". Surprised and proud of myself that I didn't yell "Holy ****!!, boss".....just sayin.
How does he just appear out of thin air like that?? Scares the crap outta me. And he does it all the time..............it's like he's a ninja and he just manages a car dealership on the side.
*Note to self:
Don't try and steal soda from cafe. You will get caught.
Don't try and steal soda from cafe. You will get caught.
Don't try and steal soda from cafe. You will get caught.*
Seriously. Super. Stealthy. Ninja.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
No, REALLY lady. I CAN"T help you.
ME:Thank you for calling (OCD) this is Vic. How may I direct your call?
SL: I just wanted to let you know that I just got off the phone with one of your salesmen and he was very rude to me.
ME:(being nosy) Which salesman, ma'am?
SL: Jim.
ME: Ma'am we don't have a salesman by that name..or anything that sounds close to it. Are you sure you needed (OCD).
SL: I'm sure. (getting hateful) Isn't your number 888-888-5555?
ME: Oh, no Ma'am. You do have the wrong place.
SL: Well, don't you sell (type of car)? ( that we Do NOT sell....As the dealership name CLEARLY states)
ME: No ma'am. This is (OCD). *pronounces slowly and efficently*
SL: Well, whatever. Jim was extremely rude and will not answer any more of my calls.
*I can see WHY Jim won't answer*
ME: Ma'am. I am certain that you do not have the right car dealership.
SL: Either you let me talk to him right now or I will call your manager and have you fired.
ME: Ma'am. I'm so sorry, but you have the wrong place.
SL: Whatever. Thanks for your help. *dial tone*
*Ok. First of all, even if you DID have the correct place, you had the wrong person. I'm the receptionist. What am I gonna do? Fire Jim? Whoever Jim is. Secondly, your rudeness toward me will not get you any further than a voicemail to talk to. That is, if you even had the right place. Lastly, all of our phone calls are recorded. I have undeniable proof, lady.*
SL: I just wanted to let you know that I just got off the phone with one of your salesmen and he was very rude to me.
ME:(being nosy) Which salesman, ma'am?
SL: Jim.
ME: Ma'am we don't have a salesman by that name..or anything that sounds close to it. Are you sure you needed (OCD).
SL: I'm sure. (getting hateful) Isn't your number 888-888-5555?
ME: Oh, no Ma'am. You do have the wrong place.
SL: Well, don't you sell (type of car)? ( that we Do NOT sell....As the dealership name CLEARLY states)
ME: No ma'am. This is (OCD). *pronounces slowly and efficently*
SL: Well, whatever. Jim was extremely rude and will not answer any more of my calls.
*I can see WHY Jim won't answer*
ME: Ma'am. I am certain that you do not have the right car dealership.
SL: Either you let me talk to him right now or I will call your manager and have you fired.
ME: Ma'am. I'm so sorry, but you have the wrong place.
SL: Whatever. Thanks for your help. *dial tone*
*Ok. First of all, even if you DID have the correct place, you had the wrong person. I'm the receptionist. What am I gonna do? Fire Jim? Whoever Jim is. Secondly, your rudeness toward me will not get you any further than a voicemail to talk to. That is, if you even had the right place. Lastly, all of our phone calls are recorded. I have undeniable proof, lady.*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)