New Rest Room Procedure
To: All Employees
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest rooms under informal guidelines. Effective the beginning of next month, a Rest Room Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room times and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under this policy, a "RESTROOM TRIP BANK (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a REST ROOM TRIP CREDIT (RTC) of twenty. Rest room credits can be accumulated from month to month.
Starting next month, the entrance of all rest rooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer-linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of this month, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal, one under stress) to the System Operator. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive, for the first month; employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.
If an employee's REST ROOM TRIP BANK balance reaches zero, the doors of the rest room will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located outside the cafeteria. This is being done to eliminate "dilly-dallying" in the rest rooms. Any one whose picture shows up three times will immediately be terminated.
One final caution: this system will always work if you go the rest room where you have been assigned. We cannot guarantee that your voice print will work in other rest rooms in the building, and we suggest you not test it---particularly if the urge is pressing.
If you have any questions about the new policy, please ask your supervisor.
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest rooms under informal guidelines. Effective the beginning of next month, a Rest Room Trip Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room times and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under this policy, a "RESTROOM TRIP BANK (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a REST ROOM TRIP CREDIT (RTC) of twenty. Rest room credits can be accumulated from month to month.
Starting next month, the entrance of all rest rooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer-linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of this month, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal, one under stress) to the System Operator. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive, for the first month; employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.
If an employee's REST ROOM TRIP BANK balance reaches zero, the doors of the rest room will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located outside the cafeteria. This is being done to eliminate "dilly-dallying" in the rest rooms. Any one whose picture shows up three times will immediately be terminated.
One final caution: this system will always work if you go the rest room where you have been assigned. We cannot guarantee that your voice print will work in other rest rooms in the building, and we suggest you not test it---particularly if the urge is pressing.
If you have any questions about the new policy, please ask your supervisor.
Scheduled Outage
From time to time we schedule outages to work on system computers, programs, and our voice systems. Contrary to some views it is not personal.
These are scheduled to bring our systems up to date, introduce new hardware and software, and perform routine maintenance......and of course to prevent future unscheduled outages.
Although it is not always apparent the phenomenon of system fatigue is real. We have scheduled one for 4 o'clock this afternoon.
It has been cancelled.
Instead employees are encouraged to be creative---to think of what you would do without the systems. To facilitate thinking outside the cubicle you are encouraged to meet in the company parking lot for beer and barbecue.
yummmm....beer
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